1
00:01:20,880 --> 00:01:21,880
Greetings, muggles.

2
00:01:23,580 --> 00:01:28,460
Oh, my fucking god, he fell for it. I
told you, it's not really fancy dress,

3
00:01:28,620 --> 00:01:29,259
you dick.

4
00:01:29,260 --> 00:01:30,039
Oh, what?

5
00:01:30,040 --> 00:01:31,040
No way.

6
00:01:31,240 --> 00:01:33,960
These are the jokers from my course I
was telling you about. You lot.

7
00:01:34,420 --> 00:01:36,820
Although, technically, I didn't fall for
it, as there's no way I could have

8
00:01:36,820 --> 00:01:38,440
known. Whoa, where do you think you're
going?

9
00:01:38,720 --> 00:01:39,679
Into the party.

10
00:01:39,680 --> 00:01:41,420
You're dressed like Harry Potter.

11
00:01:41,640 --> 00:01:43,960
There's no way you're coming in here,
you fucking plum.

12
00:01:44,180 --> 00:01:45,640
You could at least have come as someone
sexy.

13
00:01:46,100 --> 00:01:47,100
Mine is sexy.

14
00:01:49,150 --> 00:01:50,150
What a twat.

15
00:01:51,650 --> 00:01:52,650
Mental.

16
00:01:52,950 --> 00:01:53,950
Guys?

17
00:01:56,190 --> 00:01:58,450
Guys? Oh, piss off, Harry.

18
00:02:00,190 --> 00:02:01,190
Well, this is a disaster.

19
00:02:01,570 --> 00:02:02,970
I've come down from Sheffield for this.

20
00:02:03,230 --> 00:02:03,988
It's okay.

21
00:02:03,990 --> 00:02:05,010
We'll still have a good weekend.

22
00:02:05,490 --> 00:02:07,930
Oh, there's a pub I love just down the
road. I'm wearing a gym skirt.

23
00:02:08,669 --> 00:02:10,729
It's a student town. No one will care.

24
00:02:11,009 --> 00:02:12,010
And no pants.

25
00:02:12,030 --> 00:02:13,030
Right-o.

26
00:02:14,310 --> 00:02:15,310
Right, Si.

27
00:02:15,390 --> 00:02:18,790
Nudges. Who the fuck? Sorry, sorry. I'm
so sorry.

28
00:02:19,890 --> 00:02:21,450
Fuck me, what a waste of a weekend.

29
00:02:21,950 --> 00:02:23,670
I thought you said they were your best
mates at uni?

30
00:02:23,910 --> 00:02:26,870
Yeah. Don't worry, I've found us some
mates. I've got this amazing app called

31
00:02:26,870 --> 00:02:28,790
Grindr. Made loads of new mates through
it.

32
00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:31,570
Oh my gosh, you never guess what.

33
00:02:31,790 --> 00:02:34,810
Someone's immediately sent you a penis
shot? Nah, just got an email from Jay.

34
00:02:34,950 --> 00:02:36,510
No way. Wait, listen to this.

35
00:02:36,790 --> 00:02:38,530
Dear Neil, you fucking weapon.

36
00:02:38,750 --> 00:02:41,630
As you know, I'm on a mental gap year in
Australia.

37
00:02:45,360 --> 00:02:49,080
As they say over here. So I thought I'd
email you. Not because I miss you lot,

38
00:02:49,180 --> 00:02:52,260
but because this place is a million out
of ten and you'll be well, Jill.

39
00:02:52,480 --> 00:02:53,940
Life has never been better.

40
00:02:55,760 --> 00:02:58,500
It's certainly much better than when I
was going out with Jane, who I now no

41
00:02:58,500 --> 00:02:59,418
longer think about.

42
00:02:59,420 --> 00:03:02,820
I'm living near a town called Sydney and
working at the most mental club in

43
00:03:02,820 --> 00:03:04,380
Australia called Revolutions.

44
00:03:05,500 --> 00:03:08,000
I am now their premier number one DJ.

45
00:03:12,080 --> 00:03:15,620
The name of DJ Big Penis, which everyone
agrees is the perfect name.

46
00:03:21,280 --> 00:03:24,740
I've made so much cashola, which is
Australian for money, that I've bought

47
00:03:24,740 --> 00:03:27,660
myself a fuck-off mansion and filled it
full of pussy.

48
00:03:28,220 --> 00:03:30,760
And like Will's mum's appetite for cock,
it's enormous.

49
00:03:31,140 --> 00:03:34,600
Before that, I was living with my uncle
Brian, who's my dad's cousin, although

50
00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:36,700
he is tragic and obviously not as cool
as my dad.

51
00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:38,640
What's that?

52
00:03:40,660 --> 00:03:43,660
Anyway... It will come as no surprise to
you the number of Aussie birds I'm

53
00:03:43,660 --> 00:03:45,580
rooting, which is Australian for
knobbing.

54
00:03:49,140 --> 00:03:53,880
They're total filth and fuck like
kangaroos. All big teeth, bouncing and

55
00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:54,880
wet pouches.

56
00:03:56,540 --> 00:03:59,940
I make love to them with a technique I
like to call the one-punk orgasm.

57
00:04:02,420 --> 00:04:04,060
They absolutely love it.

58
00:04:04,760 --> 00:04:06,100
Name an Aussie bird and I fucked her.

59
00:04:06,400 --> 00:04:07,540
Elle Macpherson, check.

60
00:04:08,020 --> 00:04:09,500
Dame Edna Everidge, check.

61
00:04:10,170 --> 00:04:11,450
Kylie and Danny Minogue freeway.

62
00:04:11,830 --> 00:04:13,670
I've done that ten minutes after getting
off the plane.

63
00:04:13,930 --> 00:04:14,930
And mates.

64
00:04:15,110 --> 00:04:17,950
I've made loads of cool new mates who
come round for dinner and that. But

65
00:04:17,950 --> 00:04:19,390
really, it's all about the birds.

66
00:04:20,589 --> 00:04:22,290
Aussie sheilas just can't get enough of
Jay.

67
00:04:22,590 --> 00:04:24,070
Especially the supermodels.

68
00:04:25,170 --> 00:04:27,150
Who, by the way, love it up the shitter.

69
00:04:29,670 --> 00:04:32,830
I've been woken up by a blowjob from a
different girl every single morning.

70
00:04:33,230 --> 00:04:34,370
You can imagine what that's like.

71
00:04:34,630 --> 00:04:37,310
Waking up every morning to a blowy.

72
00:04:41,150 --> 00:04:43,890
They keep it so clean, I haven't had to
wash my cock in weeks.

73
00:04:44,610 --> 00:04:48,170
Basically, everything's better than when
I was with Jane, who, as I mentioned, I

74
00:04:48,170 --> 00:04:49,170
no longer think about.

75
00:04:53,410 --> 00:04:56,610
On the minor side, I've had to punch out
a few koala bears, normally when they

76
00:04:56,610 --> 00:04:57,930
drop out the trees and try to fight me.

77
00:04:59,530 --> 00:05:00,530
Bug!

78
00:05:00,690 --> 00:05:01,690
Bug it!

79
00:05:02,590 --> 00:05:05,930
But other than that, it's been Bonza,
which is Australian for fucking

80
00:05:05,930 --> 00:05:09,620
brilliant. Come and stay any time you
like. I guarantee I'll get you sucked

81
00:05:09,620 --> 00:05:10,900
drier than Simon's mum's fanny.

82
00:05:11,240 --> 00:05:14,600
Say hello to those other two dozy pricks
if you see them. Tell your Ben Daddy

83
00:05:14,600 --> 00:05:15,600
still can't bum me.

84
00:05:16,560 --> 00:05:21,440
Oh, and tell your fit sister that I'd
like to... Oh, no, come on. What does it

85
00:05:21,440 --> 00:05:25,340
say? It says I'd like to chew on those
massive juicy burger nipples of hers,

86
00:05:25,460 --> 00:05:28,140
reach my thumb round and... Oh, no,
that's too much.

87
00:05:28,380 --> 00:05:29,380
Oi, get off!

88
00:05:29,760 --> 00:05:30,760
Oi!

89
00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:31,939
Oh, there's more?

90
00:05:31,940 --> 00:05:32,879
Flip her over.

91
00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:35,200
What's a lovely email? Spill it down her
face, over her back.

92
00:05:35,980 --> 00:05:38,480
Clunge, wellies, anal, anal, anal. This
goes on a bit, doesn't it?

93
00:05:38,700 --> 00:05:40,940
Australia sounds like a right laugh. Not
like hanging out with you two.

94
00:05:41,360 --> 00:05:43,640
I wish I'd gone to Australia this
weekend instead of shitty Bristol.

95
00:05:43,860 --> 00:05:45,800
You do know Australia's on the other
side of the world?

96
00:05:46,180 --> 00:05:48,040
Doubt it. Excuse me, mate. You all
right?

97
00:05:48,680 --> 00:05:49,680
Alas, something decent.

98
00:05:50,680 --> 00:05:51,679
Is this seat taken?

99
00:05:51,680 --> 00:05:52,840
Oh, yes. Sorry, it is.

100
00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:55,460
Have you got any friends at university?

101
00:05:55,860 --> 00:05:59,420
Of course I have, Simon. I'm just lucky
that I've managed to not get tullied

102
00:05:59,420 --> 00:06:02,460
down to a clique or a group, meaning I'm
free to hang out with anyone and

103
00:06:02,460 --> 00:06:03,520
everyone. Or no one.

104
00:06:03,930 --> 00:06:05,990
Coming from the man who changed
universities just to be with his

105
00:06:05,990 --> 00:06:07,470
girlfriend. I've got mates other than
Lucy.

106
00:06:07,870 --> 00:06:08,870
Pete, for one.

107
00:06:09,110 --> 00:06:10,009
Who's Pete?

108
00:06:10,010 --> 00:06:11,330
Pete from my halls. I must have
mentioned Pete.

109
00:06:12,090 --> 00:06:13,730
Pete. Pete, my best mate.

110
00:06:14,670 --> 00:06:15,690
My best mate at uni.

111
00:06:16,510 --> 00:06:20,190
I mean, I do spend a lot of time with
Lucy, although she has changed a bit

112
00:06:20,190 --> 00:06:21,029
since we were on holiday.

113
00:06:21,030 --> 00:06:24,050
And, well, what's the word when
someone's not nicer?

114
00:06:24,590 --> 00:06:26,930
Nastier? Yeah, I think that's it. Maybe.

115
00:06:27,730 --> 00:06:28,730
She's nastier.

116
00:06:28,790 --> 00:06:29,790
Right. Out.

117
00:06:30,070 --> 00:06:31,310
You're barred. Barred?

118
00:06:31,650 --> 00:06:32,930
What? Why?

119
00:06:35,890 --> 00:06:36,890
That.

120
00:06:38,370 --> 00:06:42,330
So we're all on the same page. That's
me, Will McKenzie, seemingly Bristol

121
00:06:42,330 --> 00:06:43,990
University's least popular
undergraduate.

122
00:06:44,830 --> 00:06:48,670
And that's my friend Simon, who's got
university relationship problems of his

123
00:06:48,670 --> 00:06:50,990
own. Who's this fucking slut, Kirsty
Scott?

124
00:06:51,450 --> 00:06:52,710
Lucy, are you on my Facebook again?

125
00:06:53,030 --> 00:06:54,030
Goodbye, whore.

126
00:06:57,190 --> 00:06:59,630
Simon, swear on your hoodie you're not
going to cheat on me.

127
00:06:59,950 --> 00:07:02,490
What? Oh, no, please, Lucy, that's my
favourite.

128
00:07:05,030 --> 00:07:09,250
Lucy. Sorry, Simon, but I just have to
be sure.

129
00:07:10,630 --> 00:07:13,570
I just love you so much.

130
00:07:14,830 --> 00:07:16,250
I love you too, Cuddles.

131
00:07:20,310 --> 00:07:21,730
And finally, there's Neil.

132
00:07:22,030 --> 00:07:23,550
At least he's made a new friend.

133
00:07:27,350 --> 00:07:28,350
Master.

134
00:07:28,790 --> 00:07:32,650
I don't know what brand of shower gel
Neil uses, but I suspect it might be

135
00:07:32,650 --> 00:07:33,650
Pedigree Charm.

136
00:07:33,980 --> 00:07:36,700
And as we headed back to my room, if I'd
assumed watching some low-level

137
00:07:36,700 --> 00:07:39,440
bestiality would be the low point of my
night, I was wrong.

138
00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:43,480
Oh, not again.

139
00:07:44,360 --> 00:07:45,500
Is your room in space?

140
00:07:47,420 --> 00:07:50,140
Thank you, arseholes.

141
00:07:56,240 --> 00:07:57,720
I've done a pretty good job, to be fair.

142
00:07:58,060 --> 00:07:59,660
I fucking hate it here.

143
00:08:00,980 --> 00:08:03,040
To be honest, I'm glad I chose not to do
uni.

144
00:08:03,520 --> 00:08:04,780
More reality than a choice.

145
00:08:04,980 --> 00:08:06,520
Exactly. Maybe we should go to
Australia.

146
00:08:07,020 --> 00:08:08,280
And surprise the fuck out of Jay.

147
00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:09,559
I was joking.

148
00:08:09,560 --> 00:08:12,620
Why? It's got to be better than hanging
around old men's pubs and dressing up as

149
00:08:12,620 --> 00:08:15,220
magic. Yeah, we've got four weeks off
for Easter and I'm dreading spending it

150
00:08:15,220 --> 00:08:15,799
with Lucy.

151
00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:16,800
Can we afford it?

152
00:08:16,900 --> 00:08:20,460
Well, they invented student loans so
students could go on holiday.

153
00:08:20,680 --> 00:08:23,720
And I've got a sweet bonus this month.
Apparently I'm the cleverest non-Asian

154
00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:24,699
in the department.

155
00:08:24,700 --> 00:08:26,400
I suppose I have always wanted to go
travelling.

156
00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:29,540
I think I'd be really good at it. Do it
properly. Not like Jay. How can you be

157
00:08:29,540 --> 00:08:32,100
good at it? Well, he's staying in one
place. I'd explore.

158
00:08:32,549 --> 00:08:34,970
Meet people. Come back a better and more
rounded person.

159
00:08:35,330 --> 00:08:37,669
He's getting sucked off every morning.

160
00:08:41,690 --> 00:08:43,330
Fuck it, I'm in.

161
00:08:45,210 --> 00:08:46,590
So goodbye, shitty Bristol.

162
00:08:46,870 --> 00:08:48,010
I was off to Australia.

163
00:08:48,410 --> 00:08:51,410
Now, Petal, you know how much I worry,
so I've got you a special holiday gift.

164
00:08:51,670 --> 00:08:52,670
Oh, thanks, Mum.

165
00:08:54,650 --> 00:08:56,370
It's a rape alarm.

166
00:08:57,170 --> 00:08:58,630
What do you think is going to happen to
me?

167
00:08:58,890 --> 00:09:00,250
Well, Petal, I think you might get
raped.

168
00:09:00,530 --> 00:09:03,660
Right. Sweetie, I'm just saying, it's
better to have a rape alarm and not need

169
00:09:03,660 --> 00:09:06,760
it than to get gang-raped in an alleyway
by men you may have, however innocently,

170
00:09:06,900 --> 00:09:07,879
led on.

171
00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:09,640
Ah, hello, everyone.

172
00:09:09,860 --> 00:09:10,759
Hello, Kevin.

173
00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:11,780
Are you sorry to see them leave?

174
00:09:12,480 --> 00:09:16,500
Actually, as Handle Neil's going away,
give me a chance to get some men in to

175
00:09:16,500 --> 00:09:17,500
decorate his bedroom.

176
00:09:18,940 --> 00:09:19,940
That's our flight.

177
00:09:20,320 --> 00:09:21,860
I'm going to miss you, Betel.

178
00:09:22,900 --> 00:09:23,900
Oh, no.

179
00:09:24,040 --> 00:09:25,780
Yes, all right, get off.

180
00:09:27,360 --> 00:09:29,040
Be very careful, soldier, OK?

181
00:09:34,790 --> 00:09:36,890
Your mum looks fit when she cries. Thank
you.

182
00:09:37,150 --> 00:09:39,150
I bet she looked amazing when your dad
left her.

183
00:09:39,370 --> 00:09:40,370
Brilliant.

184
00:09:42,530 --> 00:09:44,830
Off we went, running away from our
problems.

185
00:09:45,110 --> 00:09:48,870
All I knew about Australia was that if
it could bite you, sting you, or eat you

186
00:09:48,870 --> 00:09:50,410
alive, then it probably lived there.

187
00:09:51,450 --> 00:09:55,410
But nothing had prepared us for the
beauty of Sydney Harbour, and Neil was

188
00:09:55,410 --> 00:09:56,410
particularly impressed.

189
00:09:57,730 --> 00:09:59,470
What the fuck is that?

190
00:09:59,850 --> 00:10:01,490
What? That fucking thing.

191
00:10:02,230 --> 00:10:04,670
The Sydney Opera House? Nah, that thing,
the spaceship.

192
00:10:04,970 --> 00:10:05,970
The spaceship, there.

193
00:10:07,250 --> 00:10:09,690
Well, that's the sightseeing done. We
need to find this club.

194
00:10:09,990 --> 00:10:12,470
Hang on, got signal now. Google map into
the rescue.

195
00:10:12,750 --> 00:10:13,750
It's this way.

196
00:10:16,350 --> 00:10:20,090
No way, that just cost me 20 quid. Data
roaming charges are pre-extortion at

197
00:10:20,090 --> 00:10:21,490
broad nil. Why don't you stand still
then?

198
00:10:21,850 --> 00:10:23,430
That's not really how it works.

199
00:10:24,030 --> 00:10:27,650
Another 20 quid? I'm not roaming now,
you useless piece of shit. Just switch

200
00:10:27,650 --> 00:10:28,650
it off, Nick.

201
00:10:34,860 --> 00:10:37,840
Thanks a lot, Si. It's fucked now. Not
sure that was strictly my fault.

202
00:10:38,080 --> 00:10:41,620
We left the harbour to find Jay, to see
if he really was getting sucked off

203
00:10:41,620 --> 00:10:42,620
every morning.

204
00:10:42,800 --> 00:10:45,440
Cannot wait to see DJ Big Penis Rock in
the house.

205
00:10:45,700 --> 00:10:47,060
No, nor can I.

206
00:10:51,680 --> 00:10:55,600
Have you ever taken a backpack or a
suitcase to a nightclub? No, of course

207
00:10:55,600 --> 00:10:57,300
you haven't. Look as you're not a
fucking idiot.

208
00:10:59,340 --> 00:11:00,340
Hey!

209
00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:01,820
Let me hear something.

210
00:11:07,140 --> 00:11:08,280
We had nowhere to stay.

211
00:11:08,640 --> 00:11:12,360
And surprisingly, Big Penis wasn't the
club's premier number one DJ.

212
00:11:13,260 --> 00:11:20,140
I don't get it. He said he worked here.

213
00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:23,080
He also said he knocked out a koala and
fucked him in the nose. Legend.

214
00:11:23,420 --> 00:11:25,360
He's not here. We'll have to spend the
night in a hostel.

215
00:11:25,700 --> 00:11:27,040
One hostel's a bit pikey.

216
00:11:27,260 --> 00:11:30,280
Hostels are how everyone does it, Simon.
They're full of interesting people who

217
00:11:30,280 --> 00:11:30,859
are travelling.

218
00:11:30,860 --> 00:11:34,020
Like us. I don't know, Will. We went to
visit my uncle Paul in a hostel when he

219
00:11:34,020 --> 00:11:34,619
had cancer.

220
00:11:34,620 --> 00:11:35,920
Wasn't very cool, if I'm being honest.

221
00:11:36,430 --> 00:11:37,430
It also wasn't Arsenal.

222
00:11:38,170 --> 00:11:40,030
Fine. If it's only one night, I suppose.

223
00:11:40,450 --> 00:11:42,890
Yeah, at least there might be some sexy
nurses there. There won't be.

224
00:11:43,290 --> 00:11:44,290
Quick pizzle first.

225
00:11:46,290 --> 00:11:47,930
That's it, sir. Wash your fingers for
the mingers.

226
00:11:49,270 --> 00:11:54,590
No Splash, no Gash, no Armani, no
Panani, no Dolce and Gabbana, no Sucky or

227
00:11:54,590 --> 00:11:55,590
Banana.

228
00:11:56,110 --> 00:11:57,510
Jay! Jay!

229
00:11:57,890 --> 00:11:58,890
Oh, fuck. Jay?

230
00:11:59,610 --> 00:12:01,290
Don't think so, pal. The name's Bruce.

231
00:12:01,750 --> 00:12:02,910
What? Shut up, Jay.

232
00:12:03,250 --> 00:12:05,070
Sorry, fellas. I've never heard of this
bloke, Jay.

233
00:12:05,370 --> 00:12:09,000
Oh. It's clearly not him. Let's go. So
you're not Jay? I told you it's Bruce,

234
00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:10,120
you fucking drongo.

235
00:12:10,260 --> 00:12:11,400
Have you got Jay's face?

236
00:12:11,940 --> 00:12:15,060
Nah. And your sign says, Jay's pussy
juice dollar a squirt.

237
00:12:15,500 --> 00:12:18,500
Coincidence. Okay, what's happened to
Jay? Is this a wind-up?

238
00:12:20,920 --> 00:12:22,780
Course it's a bloody wind-up.

239
00:12:24,280 --> 00:12:27,440
100% murked. The looks on your faces.

240
00:12:27,660 --> 00:12:30,000
You prize bellends. I can't believe you
fell for that.

241
00:12:30,320 --> 00:12:32,980
We didn't. It is you, Jay. Epic pants.

242
00:12:35,660 --> 00:12:36,660
All right, Neil, calm down.

243
00:12:38,060 --> 00:12:39,060
Good to see you, man.

244
00:12:39,420 --> 00:12:42,660
Yes, just to clear one thing up, though,
you do work in a toilet, don't you? I

245
00:12:42,660 --> 00:12:45,820
can see going to uni hasn't made you any
less of a retard, because I don't work

246
00:12:45,820 --> 00:12:46,880
in a fucking toilet.

247
00:12:47,340 --> 00:12:48,620
Why are you working in a toilet, then?

248
00:12:49,060 --> 00:12:50,060
It's a joke.

249
00:12:50,840 --> 00:12:52,240
Don't worry, it probably went over your
heads.

250
00:12:52,500 --> 00:12:53,500
Whoosh.

251
00:12:53,740 --> 00:12:55,900
I'll run this whole club. I'm my own
boss.

252
00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:58,480
Boss of the toilet. Well, drinks are on
you, then.

253
00:12:59,020 --> 00:13:00,020
What, now?

254
00:13:00,180 --> 00:13:01,180
Yeah, now.

255
00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:02,280
Yeah, great.

256
00:13:02,340 --> 00:13:03,340
Perfect.

257
00:13:03,380 --> 00:13:04,940
Jay's story made complete sense.

258
00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:08,360
If I ran a nightclub, I'd definitely
dress like a snooker player and hang out

259
00:13:08,360 --> 00:13:09,139
in the toilets.

260
00:13:09,140 --> 00:13:12,480
I cannot wait to hear all the mad bents
you've been having. Oh, mate, the bents

261
00:13:12,480 --> 00:13:13,720
in Australia are legendary.

262
00:13:14,140 --> 00:13:16,500
Obviously, that's because I've been
delivering most of the bents. I'm like

263
00:13:16,500 --> 00:13:17,239
banter cloth.

264
00:13:17,240 --> 00:13:18,240
I've got bents.

265
00:13:18,420 --> 00:13:19,420
No, jeez.

266
00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:21,140
I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.

267
00:13:21,500 --> 00:13:23,160
Oh, my God!

268
00:13:25,120 --> 00:13:27,060
What? You don't recognise me, do you?

269
00:13:27,560 --> 00:13:31,260
Katie? Katie Evans from prep school. Oh,
maybe you do remember.

270
00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:33,900
I'll never forget that sleepover we had
at Lloydy's house.

271
00:13:34,380 --> 00:13:38,120
I don't remember that one. No, nor me.
How amazing to see you. What an

272
00:13:38,120 --> 00:13:39,120
incredibly small world.

273
00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:42,380
I don't know. It seems like every kid
from the home counties is out here doing

274
00:13:42,380 --> 00:13:43,239
a gap year.

275
00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:44,240
Yeah, what cliche.

276
00:13:44,800 --> 00:13:45,759
So what are you up to?

277
00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:46,760
I'm doing a gap year.

278
00:13:47,210 --> 00:13:51,230
The standard, India once, India twice,
love, heartbreak, silent retreat,

279
00:13:51,710 --> 00:13:56,070
Thailand, scuba diving, broken foot,
Nepal, volunteering, volcanoes,

280
00:13:56,690 --> 00:14:02,170
Indonesia, healers, Reiki, cafes, tears,
revelations, amazing people, amazing

281
00:14:02,170 --> 00:14:04,910
conversations, unforgettable and
life-changing experiences.

282
00:14:05,470 --> 00:14:08,370
You? I'm visiting my friend who works in
a toilet.

283
00:14:08,830 --> 00:14:13,330
Oh, you always made me laugh, you
nutter. What are you really doing?

284
00:14:13,670 --> 00:14:15,290
Travelling. Out here for four weeks.

285
00:14:15,550 --> 00:14:16,550
Oh, so you're on holiday.

286
00:14:17,630 --> 00:14:18,630
No, shuffling, I think.

287
00:14:18,690 --> 00:14:20,830
So what have you been up to about me,
then? Must have been shit.

288
00:14:21,070 --> 00:14:22,070
I've been at uni.

289
00:14:22,170 --> 00:14:24,450
Nice, Ben. Neil, what about you? You
been getting your dick wet?

290
00:14:24,670 --> 00:14:25,669
I went swimming.

291
00:14:25,670 --> 00:14:26,810
No, with fanny juice.

292
00:14:27,190 --> 00:14:30,370
Oh, right. No, not really. I worked in a
garage for a bit, now I'm working in a

293
00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:31,770
bank. Oh, yeah, you know your cousin
Michelle?

294
00:14:32,350 --> 00:14:33,350
Yeah. I fingered her.

295
00:14:33,650 --> 00:14:37,590
Neil. Tell me you're not staying in
Sydney, are you? It's so banker.

296
00:14:38,010 --> 00:14:43,350
No. I'm going to, um... Where is it
you're going? Byron Bay. It is awesome.

297
00:14:43,630 --> 00:14:47,010
I've got this job there selling these
excursions, like whitewater rafting,

298
00:14:47,130 --> 00:14:48,430
ziplining, Bundy.

299
00:14:48,690 --> 00:14:51,410
I was actually just flyering to raise
some cash for the bus tomorrow.

300
00:14:52,150 --> 00:14:54,370
Oh, well, it's been nice to see you.

301
00:14:54,610 --> 00:14:56,670
What? No, I haven't seen you in ages.

302
00:14:57,030 --> 00:14:58,270
Why do you come to Byron?

303
00:14:59,050 --> 00:15:00,050
You're inviting me.

304
00:15:00,560 --> 00:15:01,880
Of course I'm inviting you.

305
00:15:02,100 --> 00:15:06,620
Come to Byron. Look, you would love the
vibe. It's so you. It's just totally

306
00:15:06,620 --> 00:15:09,440
chill. Really, I'd love to, but I'll
have to ask the others.

307
00:15:09,860 --> 00:15:10,860
I'll convince them.

308
00:15:11,180 --> 00:15:12,540
Is that them over there?

309
00:15:13,020 --> 00:15:15,600
No, no, that's not them.

310
00:15:16,580 --> 00:15:19,640
I'm sure my actual friends will be up
for it. Yay, amazing!

311
00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:21,760
Right, well, I will see you tomorrow
then.

312
00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:25,140
What? Nothing.

313
00:15:26,320 --> 00:15:28,140
See you later, alligator.

314
00:15:29,160 --> 00:15:29,999
Love it.

315
00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:31,000
I'll see you on the bus tomorrow.

316
00:15:32,900 --> 00:15:33,679
Who was that?

317
00:15:33,680 --> 00:15:35,000
Katie Evans from junior school.

318
00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:36,840
Definitely my first love.

319
00:15:37,100 --> 00:15:40,440
That is well Jimmy Savile. She's just an
old friend. That you want to have sex

320
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:42,160
with. I think she might want to have sex
with me too.

321
00:15:42,460 --> 00:15:43,460
She kissed me on the lips.

322
00:15:43,980 --> 00:15:47,700
Tongues? No, but that don't count. My
mum used to kiss me on the lips. Yeah,

323
00:15:47,740 --> 00:15:48,780
when you were a child.

324
00:15:49,020 --> 00:15:51,200
She couldn't have done it any other
time. She ran off when he was ten.

325
00:15:51,540 --> 00:15:54,140
My point is, girls don't kiss people on
the lips. They don't fancy.

326
00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:56,480
Nah, she's just one of those
mouth-kissing girls. I've met loads of

327
00:15:56,480 --> 00:15:57,019
them at uni.

328
00:15:57,020 --> 00:15:57,959
Have you?

329
00:15:57,960 --> 00:16:01,080
Well, I met one, then Lucy punched her.
I'm not surprised that Briefcase has had

330
00:16:01,080 --> 00:16:01,879
a sniff already.

331
00:16:01,880 --> 00:16:04,240
Australia is the sex capital of the
world.

332
00:16:04,440 --> 00:16:05,419
That's why I'm here.

333
00:16:05,420 --> 00:16:06,640
You know why they call it Down Under?

334
00:16:06,980 --> 00:16:08,940
It's because that's where your face
spends most of the time.

335
00:16:09,180 --> 00:16:12,120
Banter? I spend plenty of time in the
bush, Neil. The bush around the puss

336
00:16:12,120 --> 00:16:13,120
-haze. Bants.

337
00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:14,240
Check these out.

338
00:16:14,580 --> 00:16:15,580
My new bants.

339
00:16:15,660 --> 00:16:18,360
What's that word, bants? I'm the
Archbishop of Banterbury. You're the

340
00:16:18,360 --> 00:16:20,080
banterman of the opera. I don't get it.
Whoosh.

341
00:16:20,960 --> 00:16:23,880
Bant and Beck. Someone needs tickets to
the banter mime. Eric Bant and I.

342
00:16:24,280 --> 00:16:27,460
Just saying banter or bants over and
over again is not a substitute for

343
00:16:27,460 --> 00:16:28,900
actual amusing conversation, you know.

344
00:16:29,300 --> 00:16:30,300
Briefcase banter.

345
00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:34,760
Jay, what are you doing? The shift
doesn't end for another four hours.

346
00:16:36,220 --> 00:16:38,160
Good one, Lizzie. Get back to work.

347
00:16:38,540 --> 00:16:41,620
I'll tell you what, you pretend to be my
boss, it'll be hilarious.

348
00:16:42,940 --> 00:16:45,740
Anyway, come on, we'll get a go. Take
one step outside that door, you're

349
00:16:45,740 --> 00:16:46,740
fucking sacked.

350
00:16:47,230 --> 00:16:48,950
You mean you're sacked? I just sacked
you.

351
00:16:49,230 --> 00:16:51,310
Don't play the prick. You can't sack me.
Just did, mate.

352
00:16:51,830 --> 00:16:54,830
Anyway, I'll see you later. I've got to
go home. Don't think we can't find

353
00:16:54,830 --> 00:16:56,970
another bottom feeder to wipe piss off
people's hands.

354
00:16:57,250 --> 00:16:58,250
Good one, Lizzie.

355
00:16:58,790 --> 00:17:00,190
I can't wait to see the mansion.

356
00:17:00,570 --> 00:17:02,010
Can I have a room with a hot tub? Yeah,
yeah, yeah.

357
00:17:04,270 --> 00:17:05,270
So this is the mansion?

358
00:17:06,050 --> 00:17:07,770
A tent in your uncle's front garden?

359
00:17:08,030 --> 00:17:09,009
It's only temporary.

360
00:17:09,010 --> 00:17:10,369
My new fuckpad is still under
construction.

361
00:17:10,670 --> 00:17:11,670
In your mind.

362
00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:14,640
I can't believe I've traveled literally,
and I mean literally, literally, halfway

363
00:17:14,640 --> 00:17:16,640
around the world to spend a month in a
two-man tent.

364
00:17:17,660 --> 00:17:18,660
Jay!

365
00:17:19,099 --> 00:17:20,780
You sweeped that veranda this morning?

366
00:17:21,020 --> 00:17:22,020
Yes, Uncle Brian.

367
00:17:22,540 --> 00:17:24,319
Who are these pale little bastards?

368
00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:26,780
You butt-fucking boys in your tent.

369
00:17:27,200 --> 00:17:28,880
No, Uncle Brian, these are my friends
from England.

370
00:17:29,260 --> 00:17:30,260
Simon and Neil.

371
00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:31,800
And? And Will.

372
00:17:32,440 --> 00:17:33,440
Uncle Brian.

373
00:17:33,580 --> 00:17:37,200
Cousin Shane. How's Australia treating
you fellas? Oh, what a place. So

374
00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:39,180
interesting. Greatest fucking country on
earth.

375
00:17:39,560 --> 00:17:43,220
I keep telling Jay that he should move
here, but he still won't. Too much of a

376
00:17:43,220 --> 00:17:46,100
pussy, which is a shame, because we
could do with some white immigration for

377
00:17:46,100 --> 00:17:46,899
a change.

378
00:17:46,900 --> 00:17:50,140
Right. Jay's been telling us all about
the Sheilas he's been shagging. Has he?

379
00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:51,320
Well, that's bullshit.

380
00:17:51,640 --> 00:17:54,700
Closest this little run's come to some
badgers when the dog dripped period down

381
00:17:54,700 --> 00:17:56,760
his leg, and don't pretend you didn't
get a boner.

382
00:17:57,180 --> 00:17:58,139
Good one, Brian.

383
00:17:58,140 --> 00:17:58,979
What's that?

384
00:17:58,980 --> 00:17:59,980
Nothing, Uncle Brian.

385
00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:04,530
Hey. Some nights for shits and giggles.
Me and Shane, eh? Shine the torch

386
00:18:04,530 --> 00:18:08,210
through the tent. We can see him sitting
up, all silhouetted, like Mashnaway and

387
00:18:08,210 --> 00:18:09,210
his little platypus.

388
00:18:09,750 --> 00:18:12,950
You understand when I say platypus, I
mean cock, right? Yeah.

389
00:18:13,250 --> 00:18:16,070
And guess what? He's gone and dug a hole
in the ground to fuck.

390
00:18:17,310 --> 00:18:18,289
I'm just kidding.

391
00:18:18,290 --> 00:18:20,550
It's a wormhole, because his dick's so
small. Get it?

392
00:18:21,170 --> 00:18:24,490
But I'm not kidding about the hole. He
has got that, and a small dick, which he

393
00:18:24,490 --> 00:18:25,510
fucks a hole in the ground with.

394
00:18:26,470 --> 00:18:27,470
Right.

395
00:18:27,770 --> 00:18:29,130
We should put our stuff in the tent.

396
00:18:29,470 --> 00:18:30,610
Yeah, all right. I'll see yous later.

397
00:18:31,450 --> 00:18:33,170
Hey, care if you don't fall in the flak
hole.

398
00:18:36,250 --> 00:18:39,130
He's nice, isn't he? He's all right.
He's just... Australian?

399
00:18:39,510 --> 00:18:42,650
Yeah. I'd say it's pretty obvious we
can't stay in here for four weeks.

400
00:18:42,930 --> 00:18:44,030
I propose we go travelling.

401
00:18:44,370 --> 00:18:46,070
Oh, my gosh. Think of the Bents.

402
00:18:46,350 --> 00:18:48,310
Well, if we're going travelling, there's
only one place to go.

403
00:18:48,530 --> 00:18:49,489
Ooh, Uluru?

404
00:18:49,490 --> 00:18:51,430
The Great Barrier Reef? Fraser Island?

405
00:18:51,650 --> 00:18:52,650
No, none of that boring shit.

406
00:18:52,950 --> 00:18:53,809
Splash Planet?

407
00:18:53,810 --> 00:18:54,749
I'm sorry?

408
00:18:54,750 --> 00:18:55,569
Splash Planet?

409
00:18:55,570 --> 00:18:58,070
The whole of Australia and you're
suggesting we visit what I presume is a

410
00:18:58,070 --> 00:18:58,789
water park?

411
00:18:58,790 --> 00:19:02,530
If you hadn't spent the last six months
at uni wanking off to Shakespeare, you'd

412
00:19:02,530 --> 00:19:05,190
know that water parks are the ultimate
place to fuck girls.

413
00:19:05,630 --> 00:19:08,270
Top scientists have proved that the high
water pressure on their clitties gives

414
00:19:08,270 --> 00:19:11,130
them such a massive wide-on that when
they get off the rides, they're gagging

415
00:19:11,130 --> 00:19:11,649
for it.

416
00:19:11,650 --> 00:19:12,650
No word of a lie.

417
00:19:12,870 --> 00:19:16,050
Some word of a lie. Where have these
scientists got their funding from? The

418
00:19:16,050 --> 00:19:17,050
University of Sex?

419
00:19:17,390 --> 00:19:19,430
Oh, fuck off. Oh, fucking leave me
alone.

420
00:19:19,670 --> 00:19:21,530
Can I not just have one fucking day
without you abusing me?

421
00:19:21,810 --> 00:19:22,509
Is that your mum?

422
00:19:22,510 --> 00:19:23,510
No, Lucy.

423
00:19:24,290 --> 00:19:25,290
Blurt my trainers.

424
00:19:27,070 --> 00:19:28,230
You need to end it, Si.

425
00:19:28,550 --> 00:19:29,289
I know.

426
00:19:29,290 --> 00:19:30,129
I mean, I know.

427
00:19:30,130 --> 00:19:32,350
Just get your dad to text her back and
tell her you've died. That's what I

428
00:19:32,350 --> 00:19:33,350
normally do. Right.

429
00:19:33,490 --> 00:19:35,070
I think at least I need to tell her to
her face.

430
00:19:35,490 --> 00:19:37,630
My uncle's got Skype. You can go and
dump the nightmare now.

431
00:19:37,870 --> 00:19:38,509
Oh, that's unfair.

432
00:19:38,510 --> 00:19:40,410
You don't know her. Although she is a
fucking nightmare.

433
00:19:40,930 --> 00:19:42,670
I'll do it, Si. No, it's all right. I'm
going.

434
00:19:43,970 --> 00:19:44,749
Wish me luck.

435
00:19:44,750 --> 00:19:45,509
Bad luck.

436
00:19:45,510 --> 00:19:46,510
Close enough.

437
00:19:50,570 --> 00:19:51,570
Oh.

438
00:19:51,790 --> 00:19:52,950
Hey, beer?

439
00:19:53,350 --> 00:19:54,129
No, thanks.

440
00:19:54,130 --> 00:19:55,310
Is it okay to use the computer?

441
00:19:55,670 --> 00:19:56,690
Yeah, of course it is, mate.

442
00:19:57,190 --> 00:19:58,870
Jay's always on there chubby chasing.

443
00:20:04,670 --> 00:20:05,670
Hmm.

444
00:20:07,450 --> 00:20:10,630
Okay, I've worked it out. We want to go
travelling, you want to go to Splash

445
00:20:10,630 --> 00:20:13,370
Planet, which means the best place to
stay is here, Byron Bay.

446
00:20:13,610 --> 00:20:14,750
Oh, where Mouthkiss Bird is.

447
00:20:14,950 --> 00:20:17,930
It's 20 minutes outside Splash Planet,
right on the beach, there's loads of

448
00:20:17,930 --> 00:20:21,290
cool hostels, and it's an easy place to
get jobs should we need the money. I've

449
00:20:21,290 --> 00:20:22,290
always wanted to be a dolphin trainer.

450
00:20:22,810 --> 00:20:25,650
Have you? You should go to Splash
Planet. You'll definitely get that job

451
00:20:25,650 --> 00:20:26,650
there. You won't, Neil.

452
00:20:26,790 --> 00:20:30,290
Look, we're English, right? Just
finishing school in England makes us ten

453
00:20:30,290 --> 00:20:31,790
times cleverer than any Australian.

454
00:20:32,190 --> 00:20:35,490
We're like doctors or rocket science
blokes over here. You can get any job

455
00:20:35,490 --> 00:20:36,730
you want. Even dolphin trainer?

456
00:20:36,970 --> 00:20:38,570
Of course. You just turn up, tell them
you're English.

457
00:20:38,790 --> 00:20:41,870
I am 100% certain that is not how you
get a job as a dolphin trainer.

458
00:20:42,130 --> 00:20:43,770
Who's been living in Australia for
months, eh?

459
00:20:44,230 --> 00:20:45,490
Me. That's who. Yes.

460
00:20:46,030 --> 00:20:47,030
In a tent.

461
00:20:47,190 --> 00:20:49,010
You calling your mummy for a goodnight
kiss?

462
00:20:49,230 --> 00:20:51,290
Oh, no. I have to Skype my girlfriend.

463
00:20:51,930 --> 00:20:52,930
You got a girlfriend?

464
00:20:54,550 --> 00:20:57,810
Well done, mate. Looking at you. Oh,
fancy. I'm amazed.

465
00:20:58,230 --> 00:20:59,230
What's wrong with her?

466
00:20:59,290 --> 00:21:00,289
Um, nothing.

467
00:21:00,290 --> 00:21:01,790
Yeah, I'll be the judge of that. Gives a
look at her.

468
00:21:03,130 --> 00:21:04,850
Fuck me dead, she's gorgeous, mate.

469
00:21:05,230 --> 00:21:06,430
Oh, right. Yeah, I suppose so.

470
00:21:06,750 --> 00:21:09,510
Suppose. Mate, if that was my Sheila, I
wouldn't leave her side.

471
00:21:09,870 --> 00:21:10,970
You're getting married, right?

472
00:21:11,170 --> 00:21:12,170
Um, no.

473
00:21:12,290 --> 00:21:14,990
No? Fuck me. Look at that. Then look at
you.

474
00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:18,160
I mean, you could live to be a bee and
you'd never get a root better than that.

475
00:21:18,420 --> 00:21:20,560
You know, we sometimes argue a bit and
we're quite young.

476
00:21:20,760 --> 00:21:21,860
Cash your chips, mate.

477
00:21:22,180 --> 00:21:23,720
That's the best you'll get ever.

478
00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:26,560
At last, where have you been?

479
00:21:27,020 --> 00:21:28,300
Haven't heard from you in days.

480
00:21:28,640 --> 00:21:29,640
I've been on a plane.

481
00:21:29,660 --> 00:21:31,700
That was yesterday, you fucking moron.

482
00:21:32,120 --> 00:21:33,700
Look, I think we need to talk.

483
00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:34,960
Checked your emails.

484
00:21:35,020 --> 00:21:36,020
They're clean for now.

485
00:21:36,620 --> 00:21:37,620
What's there to talk about?

486
00:21:38,600 --> 00:21:40,380
Look, I wanted to say... Will you marry
me?

487
00:21:41,320 --> 00:21:42,320
What was that?

488
00:21:42,380 --> 00:21:44,100
No, no, what it was. Simon?

489
00:21:45,030 --> 00:21:47,110
No, what it was was... Say it again.

490
00:21:48,070 --> 00:21:49,170
What, will you marry me?

491
00:21:51,470 --> 00:21:52,470
Yes.

492
00:21:53,150 --> 00:21:54,530
Yes. Yes.

493
00:21:55,330 --> 00:21:59,430
Oh, my God, I thought you'd never ask.
No, wait a minute, Lucy.

494
00:21:59,730 --> 00:22:00,930
What? What?

495
00:22:04,670 --> 00:22:05,670
Nothing.

496
00:22:15,850 --> 00:22:16,850
Congratulations, mate.

497
00:22:20,470 --> 00:22:21,470
There he is.

498
00:22:21,730 --> 00:22:22,730
Yay!

499
00:22:23,930 --> 00:22:24,930
Well,

500
00:22:25,250 --> 00:22:28,350
I can't go back home now. She didn't
take being dumped too well, then? Did

501
00:22:28,350 --> 00:22:30,330
not dump her. Have agreed to marry her.

502
00:22:30,890 --> 00:22:32,150
Oh, well done.

503
00:22:32,590 --> 00:22:33,590
You bellend.

504
00:22:33,890 --> 00:22:36,030
Genuine question, have I just fucked up
my entire life?

505
00:22:36,330 --> 00:22:37,169
Course not.

506
00:22:37,170 --> 00:22:39,490
Just because you promise people stuff
doesn't mean you have to do it.

507
00:22:39,690 --> 00:22:42,370
I once told Comic Relief that I'd raise
three million quid for them by selling

508
00:22:42,370 --> 00:22:44,970
selfies of my cock. In the end, didn't
bother. Right.

509
00:22:45,210 --> 00:22:47,050
I mean, I'm not sure how that helps my
situation.

510
00:22:47,470 --> 00:22:48,470
Just make something up.

511
00:22:48,530 --> 00:22:51,010
Look, the drive up to Byron tomorrow is
about 12 hours. Well, think of

512
00:22:51,010 --> 00:22:52,010
something. Drive?

513
00:22:52,050 --> 00:22:53,250
I thought we were taking the bus.

514
00:22:53,790 --> 00:22:55,010
Fuck that. I've got a car.

515
00:22:55,250 --> 00:22:58,490
Boy off cousin Shane. And considering
it's an awesome custom job, he done me a

516
00:22:58,490 --> 00:22:59,490
great deal.

517
00:22:59,610 --> 00:23:00,610
Let's sleep on it.

518
00:23:00,630 --> 00:23:02,810
I'd really like to get the bus, but I'm
sure we can reach a compromise.

519
00:23:03,130 --> 00:23:05,090
Oh, right. You mean you're going to keep
talking until we do what you want?

520
00:23:05,410 --> 00:23:06,410
No.

521
00:23:07,490 --> 00:23:08,870
Oh, I wouldn't sleep there, Simon.

522
00:23:18,190 --> 00:23:21,610
So compromise reached. The next day we
did what I wanted and headed to the bus

523
00:23:21,610 --> 00:23:24,790
station, which was full of other cool
people traveling to Byron Bay.

524
00:23:25,190 --> 00:23:28,810
The Darien Gap is really all that's left
of untouched jungle in the world.

525
00:23:29,170 --> 00:23:32,670
I'm going to do South America. I might
try it. Yeah, you don't really try it.

526
00:23:32,750 --> 00:23:36,430
It's a five-day trek and you only sleep
in hammocks. Man, I got the shit so bad,

527
00:23:36,530 --> 00:23:38,910
they used up the whole group's medical
supplies treating me.

528
00:23:39,350 --> 00:23:42,870
It's so dangerous that most guides, they
won't even take you. Yep, I found that.

529
00:23:43,130 --> 00:23:45,630
Shame. So I just walked it by myself,
unaccompanied.

530
00:23:46,830 --> 00:23:48,340
Unaccompanied? I thought that was
illegal.

531
00:23:48,860 --> 00:23:49,719
It is, yeah.

532
00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:53,080
But it's just, it's better that way
because you meet the real locals and

533
00:23:53,080 --> 00:23:56,580
there's none of that luxury bullshit
like hammocks and medical supplies. So

534
00:23:56,580 --> 00:24:00,700
if you do get the shits, or malaria,
like I did, then you just get on with

535
00:24:00,700 --> 00:24:01,599
it. Do you know what I mean?

536
00:24:01,600 --> 00:24:03,080
Wow, what an experience.

537
00:24:04,040 --> 00:24:05,040
Sounds incredible.

538
00:24:05,740 --> 00:24:06,659
Amazing stuff.

539
00:24:06,660 --> 00:24:07,660
I'm Will, by the way.

540
00:24:08,680 --> 00:24:12,280
You know, I used to have long hair too.
Not dreads, but pretty long.

541
00:24:13,280 --> 00:24:15,680
Yep. Had it all cut just before we came
out travelling.

542
00:24:18,860 --> 00:24:20,060
Well, that's an interesting story.

543
00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:22,840
Well, you made it.

544
00:24:23,480 --> 00:24:24,600
Byron, here we come.

545
00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:28,580
So you've met the rest of the gang,
then? Yeah, yeah, we were just chatting

546
00:24:28,580 --> 00:24:31,400
about South America and my experiments
with hairstyles and shit. You know,

547
00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:33,860
classic travelling shit. Well, I've got
you that McFlurry and Jay says get a

548
00:24:33,860 --> 00:24:34,659
fucking move on.

549
00:24:34,660 --> 00:24:36,640
Oh, so are you guys travelling too?

550
00:24:36,900 --> 00:24:39,280
Yeah. Yeah? It's my second foreign
holiday in a year.

551
00:24:39,740 --> 00:24:41,260
First we all went Malia. We went
ironically.

552
00:24:41,700 --> 00:24:44,120
It was brilliant. They had jet skis you
could rent. Wow.

553
00:24:44,320 --> 00:24:45,199
Do tell us more.

554
00:24:45,200 --> 00:24:47,280
Well, they're like motorbikes without
wheels, but on water, yeah.

555
00:24:51,420 --> 00:24:52,420
Good one.

556
00:24:54,260 --> 00:24:55,500
I'm Neil Sutherland, as it goes.

557
00:24:55,760 --> 00:24:57,260
Ben. Is that your whole name?

558
00:24:57,500 --> 00:24:58,560
No. Oh.

559
00:24:58,960 --> 00:25:00,380
Does it matter? It's Ben Thornton Wild.

560
00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:01,800
Which one?

561
00:25:02,580 --> 00:25:04,280
What? Which one? Thornton or Wild?

562
00:25:04,560 --> 00:25:05,560
It's Double Barrel.

563
00:25:05,660 --> 00:25:07,300
Oh, so you just choose one depending on
how you're feeling?

564
00:25:07,560 --> 00:25:09,800
No, no, those are both my last name.

565
00:25:10,220 --> 00:25:11,220
What?

566
00:25:11,420 --> 00:25:16,040
Shut up. That is mental. Well, Bennu has
got two last names, but it's actually

567
00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:17,760
just one name. Have you heard of that?

568
00:25:18,400 --> 00:25:20,320
Yeah. Yeah, I've heard of that.

569
00:25:23,760 --> 00:25:24,760
Finally.

570
00:25:27,080 --> 00:25:28,600
Are you coming, then? Me?

571
00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:30,400
Oh, no.

572
00:25:30,640 --> 00:25:32,080
I thought you were coming north with me.

573
00:25:32,680 --> 00:25:36,780
Yeah, just not on the bus. My friends
wanted to travel by car, so... So you've

574
00:25:36,780 --> 00:25:40,940
been waiting at a bus station for ages
in your backpack, even though you're

575
00:25:40,940 --> 00:25:41,940
going by car?

576
00:25:42,520 --> 00:25:43,720
That's a bit weird, isn't it?

577
00:25:43,980 --> 00:25:45,720
Yeah. See you in Byron!

578
00:25:48,520 --> 00:25:52,000
So off we went. We didn't know exactly
how to get to Byron Bay, so we just

579
00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:53,180
followed the bus that Katie was on.

580
00:25:53,680 --> 00:25:55,260
Perhaps a little too closely.

581
00:26:02,370 --> 00:26:05,250
She looks well freaked out. Do you think
that might have anything to do with the

582
00:26:05,250 --> 00:26:06,250
car? Doubt it.

583
00:26:07,590 --> 00:26:09,670
Actually, I have a few questions about
the car. Fire away.

584
00:26:09,970 --> 00:26:11,730
One, just why did you buy it?

585
00:26:12,210 --> 00:26:15,930
Arnie did a cool set of wheels and Shano
did me a deal. Two, is Shano a big Peter

586
00:26:15,930 --> 00:26:16,729
Andre fan?

587
00:26:16,730 --> 00:26:19,890
Shano's not stupid. The birds love Peter
Andre. I'm not sure anyone loves

588
00:26:19,890 --> 00:26:21,210
anything enough to have sex with Shano.

589
00:26:21,430 --> 00:26:22,450
What are you talking about?

590
00:26:22,650 --> 00:26:25,070
He got so much anal in him, he had to
hose down the footwell.

591
00:26:25,290 --> 00:26:28,910
This is the classic Aussie shagging
wagon. Is it? It's the fuck truck. The

592
00:26:28,910 --> 00:26:31,430
mobile virgin conversion unit? Yeah, we
should use it on Will.

593
00:26:31,770 --> 00:26:32,770
Brilliant.

594
00:26:37,690 --> 00:26:40,950
I can't wait to get a job training
dolphins, even though it is pretty bad

595
00:26:40,950 --> 00:26:43,690
how they're treated. Did you know all
they feed them is raw fish?

596
00:26:43,930 --> 00:26:45,070
Oh, that is grim.

597
00:26:45,430 --> 00:26:47,050
I'd puke if all I ate was fish.

598
00:26:47,270 --> 00:26:49,870
It's bang out of order. Imagine it, just
raw fish.

599
00:26:50,210 --> 00:26:52,630
Their diet is fish. Yeah, because that's
all they're given.

600
00:26:52,850 --> 00:26:56,790
But also because that's what they eat.
It's so cruel, you know, no burgers, no

601
00:26:56,790 --> 00:26:59,030
KFC, no Nando's on birthdays, nothing.

602
00:26:59,310 --> 00:27:00,350
How would you like it?

603
00:27:00,640 --> 00:27:04,160
Well, if all I ate was fish, I probably
wouldn't mind it. All right, yes or no,

604
00:27:04,380 --> 00:27:05,960
how would you like to just eat raw fish?

605
00:27:06,280 --> 00:27:08,180
Well, if I was a dolphin. Yes or no?

606
00:27:08,380 --> 00:27:11,540
Look, you can't compare us. Yes or no?
These people are marine biologists. Yes

607
00:27:11,540 --> 00:27:13,900
or no? It's not us. Only raw fish. Yes
or no?

608
00:27:14,480 --> 00:27:15,900
No. Correct.

609
00:27:21,080 --> 00:27:22,240
Brian Bain, next left.

610
00:27:30,610 --> 00:27:34,490
Finally, we made it to Byron Bay, and
I've never seen anywhere like it. It was

611
00:27:34,490 --> 00:27:35,490
buzzing with life.

612
00:27:35,710 --> 00:27:38,970
Or, in Jay's opinion, absolutely round
full of bellends.

613
00:27:40,330 --> 00:27:43,670
But if there was one place where a car
featuring Peter Andre and a pair of tits

614
00:27:43,670 --> 00:27:46,550
wouldn't raise an eyebrow, it was the
Arles Factory Lodge Hostel.

615
00:27:47,990 --> 00:27:50,790
Okay, Jay, please park the car where no
one can see it.

616
00:27:51,050 --> 00:27:52,050
Nope.

617
00:27:54,010 --> 00:27:55,190
Oh, Ben!

618
00:27:55,710 --> 00:27:56,710
Ben, mate!

619
00:27:56,990 --> 00:27:59,610
Man, I meant man. Oh, hey, guys, how's
the holiday?

620
00:28:00,160 --> 00:28:01,760
What's on the tourist itinerary for
tomorrow?

621
00:28:02,100 --> 00:28:03,800
Ha, that's funny, man. You know we're
not tourists.

622
00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:05,920
Splash planet. I'm gonna get a job
working with dolphins.

623
00:28:06,140 --> 00:28:08,980
I'm prepared to start at the bottom,
work my way up. Like father, like son?

624
00:28:11,060 --> 00:28:12,060
Is Dad spent?

625
00:28:12,940 --> 00:28:15,440
Gonna begin with the easy stuff, you
know, like cleaning out the cages and

626
00:28:15,440 --> 00:28:17,700
that. So participating in the
enslavement of animals.

627
00:28:17,980 --> 00:28:19,840
Wow, have you guys even heard of
ethically travelling?

628
00:28:20,280 --> 00:28:21,320
Is that with Ryan Gosling?

629
00:28:22,400 --> 00:28:23,820
Okay, we'll see you around.

630
00:28:24,040 --> 00:28:25,040
Yeah, great.

631
00:28:25,380 --> 00:28:26,380
When?

632
00:28:26,760 --> 00:28:29,600
What? Oh, I just wondered when you'd see
us around.

633
00:28:29,940 --> 00:28:30,940
Have you had a good time?

634
00:28:31,260 --> 00:28:32,700
It's a vigorous speech. Cool.

635
00:28:32,920 --> 00:28:33,920
Catch you later, mate.

636
00:28:34,040 --> 00:28:35,040
Mate. Man.

637
00:28:35,300 --> 00:28:36,300
Man.

638
00:28:37,440 --> 00:28:38,440
He's all right, isn't he?

639
00:28:39,300 --> 00:28:40,380
No, not really.

640
00:28:44,500 --> 00:28:48,420
The hostel was laid back, cool, and the
kind of place where anything goes.

641
00:28:49,060 --> 00:28:51,540
Anything except, it seemed, deodorant.

642
00:28:52,020 --> 00:28:53,480
It smells a bit in here.

643
00:28:54,280 --> 00:28:55,280
Shotgun.

644
00:28:56,320 --> 00:28:57,820
Unlucky, top bunk wankers.

645
00:28:59,100 --> 00:29:02,000
Fuck off, Neil. I want some little
hearty above me, not your rotten

646
00:29:02,000 --> 00:29:03,520
arsehole. I just want to be Neil.

647
00:29:03,780 --> 00:29:06,180
I've been thinking about it. Do we
really need to go to Splash Planet?

648
00:29:06,420 --> 00:29:10,220
Yes. Yes, we do. But it's so tacky and
gaudy and full of idiots.

649
00:29:10,560 --> 00:29:11,560
It's my lifetime's ambition.

650
00:29:11,920 --> 00:29:13,180
You first mentioned it yesterday.

651
00:29:13,720 --> 00:29:17,080
Don't kill my dreams, Will. Oh, hello,
nutter. You made it.

652
00:29:17,780 --> 00:29:19,280
So, what are you up to tomorrow?

653
00:29:19,540 --> 00:29:20,359
Any plans?

654
00:29:20,360 --> 00:29:22,520
We thought we might travel somewhere
ethical and Aboriginal.

655
00:29:24,820 --> 00:29:28,940
Cave. Oh, that's a shame. I'm going to
Splash Planet. It looks brilliant.

656
00:29:29,460 --> 00:29:31,000
It does, doesn't it?

657
00:29:31,240 --> 00:29:32,480
You just said it was tacky. What?

658
00:29:32,780 --> 00:29:34,300
Shut up. You said it was full of idiots.

659
00:29:34,580 --> 00:29:35,580
Are you an idiot, Katie?

660
00:29:35,620 --> 00:29:36,319
Don't be funny.

661
00:29:36,320 --> 00:29:39,680
Stop being so funny, you guys. Well, I
must be an idiot then, because I think

662
00:29:39,680 --> 00:29:40,680
it looks amazing.

663
00:29:41,000 --> 00:29:42,260
I can get you tickets if you like.

664
00:29:42,660 --> 00:29:43,740
Really? Fantastic.

665
00:29:44,160 --> 00:29:45,360
Four, please. Cool, done.

666
00:29:45,680 --> 00:29:47,840
Right, I'm going to go and sit by the
fire. Do you fancy coming?

667
00:29:48,060 --> 00:29:50,360
Yeah, I just need to Skype home first,
though. My mother worries.

668
00:29:50,800 --> 00:29:53,000
Crazy. Right, well, I'll see you in a
bit, then.

669
00:29:56,280 --> 00:29:57,079
You alright?

670
00:29:57,080 --> 00:29:58,080
Wait, I'm thinking.

671
00:29:58,300 --> 00:29:59,300
About what? Wait.

672
00:30:00,960 --> 00:30:01,960
What is it?

673
00:30:02,020 --> 00:30:04,440
I'm trying to think if anyone's ever
said anything less cool to a girl than

674
00:30:04,440 --> 00:30:05,440
my mother worries.

675
00:30:06,800 --> 00:30:07,800
Bye.

676
00:30:09,800 --> 00:30:13,680
Splash Planet wasn't one of the great
Australian tourist attractions, but it

677
00:30:13,680 --> 00:30:15,060
did have one sight I wanted to see.

678
00:30:15,700 --> 00:30:16,700
Katie in a bikini.

679
00:30:17,600 --> 00:30:19,940
First, I just had to Skype the other
woman in my life.

680
00:30:22,260 --> 00:30:26,130
Really? I'm a senior mum for six months.
I need to refresh the image in the wank

681
00:30:26,130 --> 00:30:29,570
bank. Surely watching Simon dump Lucy
has to be more fun than this. Nothing's

682
00:30:29,570 --> 00:30:30,570
more fun than your mum.

683
00:30:32,890 --> 00:30:34,450
Hello, Dolly. I can't see you.

684
00:30:34,650 --> 00:30:37,430
Yeah. You've not got your video on. Same
as every time.

685
00:30:37,770 --> 00:30:38,649
Where's the button?

686
00:30:38,650 --> 00:30:41,590
Where it always is. Where I have to
point you every single time we Skype.

687
00:30:42,830 --> 00:30:44,830
Yeah. Then we have to move the camera
down, remember?

688
00:30:45,150 --> 00:30:46,150
What camera?

689
00:30:46,230 --> 00:30:50,530
Come on, we've done this. The camera is
on top of the laptop. Just tip the lid

690
00:30:50,530 --> 00:30:51,690
forward. How's that?

691
00:30:52,160 --> 00:30:53,059
Move it up!

692
00:30:53,060 --> 00:30:54,120
Oh, is that Neil?

693
00:30:54,520 --> 00:30:55,940
Fuck off!

694
00:30:56,240 --> 00:30:58,900
Well, don't be rude to your friends. He
gets blunt grumps when he gets tired.

695
00:30:59,020 --> 00:31:00,280
Just move the camera back!

696
00:31:03,580 --> 00:31:04,580
Finally.

697
00:31:04,860 --> 00:31:08,140
Look, I just wanted to check in, tell
you I've actually met some great new

698
00:31:08,140 --> 00:31:10,360
people. Oh, is Grandma staying over?

699
00:31:10,620 --> 00:31:11,620
No, why would you say that?

700
00:31:11,840 --> 00:31:14,400
You've got two bowls and two mugs out
for breakfast.

701
00:31:15,060 --> 00:31:16,060
Oh, yes, I have.

702
00:31:16,160 --> 00:31:17,160
So who's staying over?

703
00:31:17,660 --> 00:31:18,559
Your grandma.

704
00:31:18,560 --> 00:31:21,160
You just said she wasn't. Did I?

705
00:31:23,150 --> 00:31:26,070
I think it must be the connection,
darling. Yeah, that was a terrible

706
00:31:26,070 --> 00:31:27,330
connection. You're breaking up.

707
00:31:27,550 --> 00:31:28,990
I love you. Speak soon.

708
00:31:33,870 --> 00:31:35,030
She's getting fucked, I reckon.

709
00:31:36,150 --> 00:31:39,530
Meanwhile, it was second time lucky for
Simon. The only way this Skype with Lucy

710
00:31:39,530 --> 00:31:42,430
could go worse than the first was if he
somehow got her pregnant.

711
00:31:42,850 --> 00:31:43,950
Hello, baby boo.

712
00:31:44,790 --> 00:31:45,850
I love you.

713
00:31:46,530 --> 00:31:48,950
Lucy? Come on. No, you say it.

714
00:31:49,550 --> 00:31:52,510
No. Look, Lucy, there's something I need
to do right now. Oi, oi.

715
00:31:52,830 --> 00:31:55,110
Put it away, there are elderly people
present. What the fuck?

716
00:31:55,450 --> 00:31:57,010
Just popped round to see our new
daughter-in-law.

717
00:31:57,230 --> 00:31:58,750
Simon, we're so delighted for you.

718
00:31:58,950 --> 00:32:01,190
You'll have to start the planning as
soon as you get back, I suppose.

719
00:32:01,530 --> 00:32:04,630
Yes, thanks for stating the fucking
obvious. Oi, this is a happy occasion.

720
00:32:04,890 --> 00:32:06,550
It's okay, it's an emotional time.

721
00:32:06,870 --> 00:32:09,910
Come on, Pam, let's leave these
lovebirds to it. Now, don't you two get

722
00:32:09,910 --> 00:32:10,749
carried away.

723
00:32:10,750 --> 00:32:13,290
Me and your mum have seen plenty of
videos that start like this on the

724
00:32:13,290 --> 00:32:14,290
internet.

725
00:32:14,470 --> 00:32:15,730
Plenty. Alan, please.

726
00:32:18,630 --> 00:32:19,690
They're so nice.

727
00:32:20,270 --> 00:32:21,270
They're fucking idiots.

728
00:32:22,240 --> 00:32:24,320
Well, we've all agreed on a date, so
that's good.

729
00:32:24,520 --> 00:32:25,279
You set a date?

730
00:32:25,280 --> 00:32:26,780
And I've got all my bridesmaids sorted.

731
00:32:27,060 --> 00:32:28,840
I just hope Jane will come back from
Australia.

732
00:32:29,220 --> 00:32:31,800
No, Lucy, I'm in Australia, not Jane,
remember?

733
00:32:32,220 --> 00:32:34,320
I'm not fucking senile, Simon.

734
00:32:34,560 --> 00:32:35,600
I know you're there.

735
00:32:35,880 --> 00:32:36,880
She's there too.

736
00:32:37,020 --> 00:32:38,019
Why didn't you mention it?

737
00:32:38,020 --> 00:32:39,020
Oh, I'm sorry.

738
00:32:39,260 --> 00:32:42,480
I forgot I'm meant to give you
minute-by-minute updates on my friends'

739
00:32:42,620 --> 00:32:46,220
movements. OK, so Suzanne is moving in
with Steve because she's missed her

740
00:32:46,220 --> 00:32:49,660
period, and Louise is back in Coventry
because she's self-harming again.

741
00:32:49,920 --> 00:32:51,260
Is that enough detail?

742
00:32:52,139 --> 00:32:53,220
Yes, that's great. Thank you.

743
00:32:58,040 --> 00:33:01,600
The vibe at the hostel was incredible,
and it was clear we weren't at home

744
00:33:01,600 --> 00:33:05,720
anymore. Things were different, and it
was nice to see that Simon, Neil, and

745
00:33:05,720 --> 00:33:08,220
especially Jay were embracing this new
environment.

746
00:33:08,700 --> 00:33:11,160
Oh, no. Why is there always some cunt
with a guitar?

747
00:33:11,460 --> 00:33:13,100
If anyone starts playing the bongos, I'm
leaving.

748
00:33:13,320 --> 00:33:15,020
The bongos start burning the place down.

749
00:33:15,280 --> 00:33:18,860
Open your minds, guys. We're backpacking
now. Get into the backpacking vibe.

750
00:33:19,300 --> 00:33:22,890
Vibe? We're by a fire listening to some
posh prick play guitar. How much more

751
00:33:22,890 --> 00:33:25,410
backpacking can it get? Please don't
ruin this for me.

752
00:33:26,930 --> 00:33:27,930
Katie!

753
00:33:28,690 --> 00:33:29,690
Nudges.

754
00:33:30,990 --> 00:33:32,550
Enjoy the trip? Are you okay?

755
00:33:33,110 --> 00:33:34,930
Yep, yep, totally fine.

756
00:33:35,330 --> 00:33:36,330
Come on, man.

757
00:33:37,530 --> 00:33:38,770
Looks like you've got front row seats.

758
00:33:39,030 --> 00:33:42,830
Yeah, lucky me. At least you're here to
cheer me up, though. Hi.

759
00:33:44,330 --> 00:33:45,970
Katie, can I play you a song?

760
00:33:46,230 --> 00:33:47,410
No, I'm good, thanks.

761
00:33:47,970 --> 00:33:50,070
God, that guy can be such a dick.

762
00:33:50,270 --> 00:33:51,270
Really? Yeah.

763
00:33:51,470 --> 00:33:52,470
Look at him.

764
00:33:52,530 --> 00:33:54,110
He always has to be the center of
attention.

765
00:33:54,570 --> 00:33:56,730
Yeah. How can anyone wear that many
friendship bracelets?

766
00:33:57,050 --> 00:33:58,110
No one's got that many friends.

767
00:33:58,310 --> 00:34:00,590
And how's giving someone a stinking
piece of old string a show of

768
00:34:00,590 --> 00:34:03,590
friendship? I know, right? I mean, I
only wear, what, like seven?

769
00:34:05,290 --> 00:34:07,270
Actually, I made one for you. Do you
want it?

770
00:34:07,630 --> 00:34:09,110
Yeah, great. I love these.

771
00:34:11,350 --> 00:34:13,510
Okay, Katie, this is your last chance.
What can I play for you?

772
00:34:13,750 --> 00:34:15,130
How about The Sound of Silence?

773
00:34:22,030 --> 00:34:23,030
What the fuck?

774
00:34:23,670 --> 00:34:26,070
Oh, Jay, you know Jane's in Australia,
right?

775
00:34:26,630 --> 00:34:27,630
What? Who?

776
00:34:27,650 --> 00:34:30,370
You remember the fat bird that dumped
you? She did not fucking dump me, Neil.

777
00:34:30,610 --> 00:34:32,370
But you cried? Yeah, tears of joy,
probably.

778
00:34:32,790 --> 00:34:34,610
Yeah, well, Lucy told me Jane's here in
Australia.

779
00:34:34,969 --> 00:34:36,150
So? Like I give a shit.

780
00:34:37,050 --> 00:34:38,050
Weird, though, isn't it?

781
00:34:38,710 --> 00:34:39,688
Amazing coincidence.

782
00:34:39,690 --> 00:34:40,690
Maybe she's come to get you back.

783
00:34:40,889 --> 00:34:43,510
She should be so lucky. You know the
first rule of banter brigade?

784
00:34:43,909 --> 00:34:44,909
You're only allowed one fatty.

785
00:34:45,170 --> 00:34:46,170
Ha!

786
00:34:46,210 --> 00:34:48,969
No, that is a very funny joke, though,
but no.

787
00:34:49,170 --> 00:34:51,650
What is it again? I know it, but I've
just forgotten for a minute.

788
00:34:51,949 --> 00:34:55,010
All the Fs? Oh, yeah. Find them, fuck
them, forget them.

789
00:34:55,230 --> 00:34:55,868
No, Neil.

790
00:34:55,870 --> 00:34:56,949
All the Fs.

791
00:34:57,390 --> 00:35:01,530
Find them, Frenchy them, get them
frothy, finger them, frig them, film

792
00:35:01,530 --> 00:35:06,030
them, flange them, flick them, fanny
fart them, fuck them, frot them, fist

793
00:35:06,030 --> 00:35:09,810
them, felch them, finish with them, and
then finally forget about them. Just

794
00:35:09,810 --> 00:35:11,610
like what I'd done with Jane, or
whatever her name was.

795
00:35:12,210 --> 00:35:15,270
Sorry, I switched off after frig. You're
saying you aren't bothered about Jane

796
00:35:15,270 --> 00:35:16,129
being here?

797
00:35:16,130 --> 00:35:20,190
No. Did you know that laughter is
intensely spiritual?

798
00:35:20,880 --> 00:35:22,420
So that means that you're very
spiritual.

799
00:35:22,720 --> 00:35:23,800
Would you say you're spiritual?

800
00:35:24,500 --> 00:35:29,420
Um... It's quite a vague way to describe
a whole person. Could you just narrow it

801
00:35:29,420 --> 00:35:30,420
down at all?

802
00:35:31,160 --> 00:35:36,180
So, what I'm saying, right, is that I
think you're spiritual.

803
00:35:36,660 --> 00:35:38,620
Yep. And I'm saying that's great.

804
00:35:39,160 --> 00:35:40,160
Really great.

805
00:35:40,300 --> 00:35:43,700
But what do you mean by that? I don't
want to sign up for something I'm not.

806
00:35:44,020 --> 00:35:45,220
Oh, okay.

807
00:35:48,440 --> 00:35:50,430
Actually... I've had a thing about it,
and I am spiritual.

808
00:35:50,630 --> 00:35:51,730
I knew it!

809
00:35:52,230 --> 00:35:53,230
Do you want to get drunk?

810
00:35:53,450 --> 00:35:54,490
I'm a goon. Yes, please.

811
00:35:57,170 --> 00:35:58,750
Do you really not know Jamie's in
Australia?

812
00:35:59,430 --> 00:36:02,270
Don't talk bollocks, Si. If I'd known
that, why would I have come here?

813
00:36:03,290 --> 00:36:05,470
Because you want to get her back?
Because you miss her?

814
00:36:11,630 --> 00:36:12,630
Is your lip all right?

815
00:36:14,150 --> 00:36:15,150
No.

816
00:36:15,350 --> 00:36:17,590
She's at the water park, isn't she?
That's why you want to go there.

817
00:36:17,930 --> 00:36:19,410
I made a mistake, all right?

818
00:36:19,750 --> 00:36:21,610
I made a mistake and I'm trying to make
it better.

819
00:36:21,870 --> 00:36:22,870
Why didn't you go and see her before?

820
00:36:23,170 --> 00:36:24,190
I was building up to it.

821
00:36:24,590 --> 00:36:27,710
And now you're here, I'm going to do it.
So just don't fucking tell anyone.

822
00:36:27,970 --> 00:36:30,310
Tell anyone what? About your dad's world
record.

823
00:36:30,570 --> 00:36:31,970
My dad's got a world record? Yeah.

824
00:36:32,270 --> 00:36:33,690
Most dogs' cocks in one mouth.

825
00:36:34,630 --> 00:36:35,630
Hey, hey.

826
00:36:36,150 --> 00:36:37,150
It's the dudes.

827
00:36:37,730 --> 00:36:38,730
How are we, dudes?

828
00:36:39,130 --> 00:36:44,270
Am I right in thinking my young friends
might be up for a little... Darts?

829
00:36:44,530 --> 00:36:45,950
I don't think they got bored.

830
00:36:46,940 --> 00:36:48,820
You're quite so funny, Nu.

831
00:36:49,300 --> 00:36:50,700
In your mind if I skin her?

832
00:36:50,920 --> 00:36:51,920
As if.

833
00:36:53,180 --> 00:36:54,260
See, Stephen?

834
00:36:54,740 --> 00:36:56,760
Nobody fucking minds.

835
00:36:58,260 --> 00:37:00,980
That's right, run away from our problems
like you always do.

836
00:37:02,960 --> 00:37:05,440
Oh, fuck.

837
00:37:06,540 --> 00:37:10,040
Oh, fucking leave me alone. Oh, God, do
I really have to marry that lunatic?

838
00:37:10,160 --> 00:37:12,560
Well, I asked her, so yes, I have.

839
00:37:12,960 --> 00:37:14,120
God, how has this happened?

840
00:37:14,880 --> 00:37:15,880
Marriage, Rose, yeah?

841
00:37:16,700 --> 00:37:19,900
Dr. Dews prescribes a toque of justice
finest.

842
00:37:20,380 --> 00:37:22,340
A friend with weed is a friend indeed.

843
00:37:22,940 --> 00:37:24,340
Um, right, cheers.

844
00:37:24,580 --> 00:37:25,580
Sorry. What?

845
00:37:25,840 --> 00:37:26,960
I'm a fucking mess.

846
00:37:27,200 --> 00:37:28,340
She's cutting up all my hoodies.

847
00:37:29,540 --> 00:37:30,640
Oh, God.

848
00:37:33,380 --> 00:37:34,820
Ah, yes!

849
00:37:37,920 --> 00:37:44,640
Oh, fucking hell, mate. You are the full
package. You're funny and spiritual.

850
00:37:45,290 --> 00:37:46,370
I can't believe you're single.

851
00:37:46,830 --> 00:37:48,950
It is hard to believe, but I am single.

852
00:37:49,750 --> 00:37:53,810
I don't know when you're joking or when
you're not, but let me tell you, if you

853
00:37:53,810 --> 00:37:56,270
could play guitar, I would jump you
right now.

854
00:38:00,610 --> 00:38:01,690
Actually, I can play guitar.

855
00:38:02,290 --> 00:38:03,290
Fuck off!

856
00:38:03,510 --> 00:38:05,430
I've had a lot of time on my own at uni
to practice.

857
00:38:06,090 --> 00:38:08,810
Fucking knockout! Go on then, mate, give
us a song.

858
00:38:10,810 --> 00:38:11,810
Okay.

859
00:38:17,189 --> 00:38:18,350
Hey, Ben, man.

860
00:38:18,770 --> 00:38:19,770
Can I have a go, man?

861
00:38:20,730 --> 00:38:21,930
Wow. Well,

862
00:38:23,010 --> 00:38:24,730
you don't really have a go with a
guitar.

863
00:38:24,950 --> 00:38:26,890
It's not in front of as many people.

864
00:38:27,350 --> 00:38:29,930
I just want to play a song for a friend,
for Katie.

865
00:38:32,230 --> 00:38:33,229
Sure you got this?

866
00:38:33,230 --> 00:38:34,230
Yeah, I think so.

867
00:38:34,350 --> 00:38:36,230
There's quite a lot of people, so...
Yeah, I can handle it.

868
00:38:36,670 --> 00:38:38,390
Okay, well, just go for it, man. I'm
trying to.

869
00:38:38,730 --> 00:38:39,730
Just take the guitar.

870
00:38:40,550 --> 00:38:43,750
Remove your hand from the neck of the
guitar, then. Thank you.

871
00:38:46,090 --> 00:38:47,090
Thanks, man.

872
00:38:56,470 --> 00:39:01,030
This is a slight change of mood, but I
hope you like it.

873
00:39:04,530 --> 00:39:11,270
The first time ever I saw your

874
00:39:11,270 --> 00:39:12,430
face.

875
00:39:13,750 --> 00:39:15,030
What is he doing?

876
00:39:17,470 --> 00:39:18,850
It's weird, I don't like it.

877
00:39:26,670 --> 00:39:32,650
Trying to stop watching, but I can't.

878
00:40:11,049 --> 00:40:12,049
Right,

879
00:40:13,110 --> 00:40:14,110
well, I'm going to bed.

880
00:40:15,850 --> 00:40:16,850
You coming?

881
00:40:17,370 --> 00:40:18,370
No, I might wait a bit.

882
00:40:55,150 --> 00:40:58,250
This is very nice. Is it a little bit
public? No one cares.

883
00:40:59,370 --> 00:41:00,590
Oh, hello.

884
00:41:01,190 --> 00:41:02,450
I sort of care.

885
00:41:02,650 --> 00:41:04,190
Um, should we be doing this here?

886
00:41:04,450 --> 00:41:07,990
This is what travelling's about. Now,
get on the bed. I'm on the top bunk.

887
00:41:08,430 --> 00:41:11,130
Look, you just lie there and I'll ride
you.

888
00:41:13,430 --> 00:41:15,410
Oh, what is this?

889
00:41:15,850 --> 00:41:17,230
That's very hard.

890
00:41:17,510 --> 00:41:19,550
Sorry. Let me get that out of the way.

891
00:41:24,110 --> 00:41:27,570
This is someone else's bed. Let's get on
my bunk. It's just up there. You're so

892
00:41:27,570 --> 00:41:28,570
sexy.

893
00:41:29,190 --> 00:41:30,190
Um,

894
00:41:35,570 --> 00:41:38,370
Katie, this is great, but you're very
drunk.

895
00:41:38,630 --> 00:41:41,770
Why don't we get a hotel for tomorrow?
My treat? My treat? Anything. You're

896
00:41:41,770 --> 00:41:42,770
gorgeous. Shh.

897
00:42:00,810 --> 00:42:02,970
Do it like that. That was nice.

898
00:42:04,790 --> 00:42:05,950
Mmm, yeah.

899
00:42:11,730 --> 00:42:13,230
Your friend is asleep on my bed.

900
00:42:17,330 --> 00:42:19,890
Ah. Now, this is not what it looks like.

901
00:42:33,450 --> 00:42:36,490
After I'd explained to everyone that it
was my rape alarm, and once they'd

902
00:42:36,490 --> 00:42:38,330
stopped laughing, we got some sleep.

903
00:42:38,850 --> 00:42:42,250
The next morning, Simon was the first
person in history to get the munchies

904
00:42:42,250 --> 00:42:43,790
ten hours after smoking a joint.

905
00:42:44,190 --> 00:42:45,190
Eat your own breakfast.

906
00:42:45,490 --> 00:42:47,110
Nah, I've got that irritable bowel
syndrome.

907
00:42:47,430 --> 00:42:48,490
It gets worse when I get stressed.

908
00:42:48,870 --> 00:42:50,510
I'm finding travelling stressful, to be
honest.

909
00:42:50,730 --> 00:42:52,990
You should have seen me sweating in the
toilet block this morning, you know.

910
00:42:52,990 --> 00:42:55,930
It's not even runny, it's just like
massive ones firing themselves out.

911
00:42:56,150 --> 00:42:59,230
Plus all this foreign muck I'm eating,
Donald. You've only eaten McDonald's.

912
00:42:59,250 --> 00:43:01,550
Yeah, Australian McDonald's. Good
morning.

913
00:43:02,120 --> 00:43:03,780
Here he is, the singing sex pest.

914
00:43:04,020 --> 00:43:05,240
Say what you like, the song worked.

915
00:43:05,680 --> 00:43:08,840
Someone had a good night then. Yes,
after the unpleasantness with Agnetha

916
00:43:08,840 --> 00:43:09,840
was sorted out.

917
00:43:10,280 --> 00:43:11,760
I think we have to call last night a
success.

918
00:43:12,040 --> 00:43:13,500
A beautiful girl wants to have sex with
me.

919
00:43:13,740 --> 00:43:14,740
Oh, and there she is.

920
00:43:14,960 --> 00:43:15,960
Yoo-hoo!

921
00:43:16,040 --> 00:43:17,040
Katie!

922
00:43:17,400 --> 00:43:18,400
Katie!

923
00:43:18,920 --> 00:43:21,420
Katie! Fucking hell, mate, there's no
need to shout.

924
00:43:21,780 --> 00:43:23,440
Oh, goon hangovers are the worst.

925
00:43:26,240 --> 00:43:28,160
Look, it's all right, mate, I can walk.

926
00:43:28,700 --> 00:43:31,340
God, I was so pissed last night. You
were a little.

927
00:43:31,690 --> 00:43:34,410
You passed out. I remember, like, an
alarm or something.

928
00:43:34,790 --> 00:43:37,570
Yeah, don't worry about that. Apart from
that, I literally cannot remember a

929
00:43:37,570 --> 00:43:38,570
single thing that happened.

930
00:43:38,870 --> 00:43:42,870
Nothing. It goes straight from sitting
around the fire to puking this morning.

931
00:43:43,970 --> 00:43:44,970
Oh.

932
00:43:45,310 --> 00:43:46,330
Oh, my God.

933
00:43:46,790 --> 00:43:47,790
Did we?

934
00:43:48,150 --> 00:43:50,530
Well, sort of. We fucked?

935
00:43:50,750 --> 00:43:52,030
No. Did we kiss?

936
00:43:52,310 --> 00:43:56,970
Yes. Oh, my God. That is so funny.

937
00:43:57,370 --> 00:43:58,370
Isn't that funny?

938
00:43:58,830 --> 00:43:59,830
A bit.

939
00:44:00,430 --> 00:44:02,390
God, I'm so bad when I'm drunk.

940
00:44:02,890 --> 00:44:07,670
Bad? Oh, no, no, no, no, not in that
way. Not that you're not. Like, oh, my

941
00:44:07,670 --> 00:44:09,510
God, I'm digging myself a hole here.
Listen,

942
00:44:11,410 --> 00:44:14,250
I'm going to go and get some breakfast
and I'll catch up with you in a minute,

943
00:44:14,310 --> 00:44:16,790
OK? I've got to work out what adventures
people are on today.

944
00:44:17,210 --> 00:44:19,050
Have you got the money for those Splash
Planet tickets?

945
00:44:19,450 --> 00:44:22,210
Yes, of course. How much do we owe you?
400 bucks.

946
00:44:22,970 --> 00:44:25,670
400? I thought it was $75 a ticket.

947
00:44:25,930 --> 00:44:28,610
It is, but there's this premium when I
get them. It's just a thing.

948
00:44:29,090 --> 00:44:30,090
Oh.

949
00:44:35,760 --> 00:44:37,660
Looks like I have to get out my mum's
emergency stash.

950
00:44:38,460 --> 00:44:39,560
Oh, all right, Kinky.

951
00:44:40,380 --> 00:44:41,640
No, no, it's not that.

952
00:44:42,000 --> 00:44:44,400
She gave me a bit extra for emergencies.
It's a precautionary thing.

953
00:44:50,980 --> 00:44:51,980
Well, cheers, mate.

954
00:44:52,420 --> 00:44:53,580
I'll see you at the water park.

955
00:44:55,380 --> 00:44:56,380
So I sorted out the... Wait.

956
00:44:57,140 --> 00:44:58,140
I'm thinking.

957
00:45:06,680 --> 00:45:09,340
To be fair, Splash Planet looks amazing.

958
00:45:09,660 --> 00:45:14,020
And even though Jay insisted that 80% of
the water was made up of vaginal fluid,

959
00:45:14,280 --> 00:45:15,960
we still couldn't wait to try out the
rides.

960
00:45:16,360 --> 00:45:18,340
Or better still, work there.

961
00:45:18,700 --> 00:45:20,540
Excuse me, I'm looking for a job as a
dolphin trainer.

962
00:45:20,840 --> 00:45:22,520
Are you a qualified marine biologist?

963
00:45:22,800 --> 00:45:23,800
No, but I'm English.

964
00:45:24,220 --> 00:45:28,300
Okay. We don't have any jobs, but you
can swim with them for 75 bucks.

965
00:45:28,560 --> 00:45:29,580
Oh, cool. A work experience.

966
00:45:30,900 --> 00:45:32,400
No. All right, I'm in.

967
00:45:33,840 --> 00:45:34,840
Did you get the job then?

968
00:45:35,300 --> 00:45:37,080
Nah. That's well racist.

969
00:45:37,420 --> 00:45:38,420
I'm going to swim with one though.

970
00:45:38,740 --> 00:45:40,360
And I'm going to give it a time of his
life.

971
00:45:43,080 --> 00:45:45,280
Is it just me or did it sound like he's
going to wank off a dolphin?

972
00:45:45,640 --> 00:45:47,120
That is what it sounded like.

973
00:45:48,600 --> 00:45:50,440
We split up and I went to find Katie.

974
00:45:50,820 --> 00:45:54,860
Last night she said I was sexy. So today
I just had to seal the deal by laughing

975
00:45:54,860 --> 00:45:56,140
at anything she said or did.

976
00:45:56,560 --> 00:45:57,560
Gotcha.

977
00:45:57,700 --> 00:45:58,700
Oh, yes.

978
00:45:58,940 --> 00:46:01,440
Yes, you did. What a good joke that is.
Always funny.

979
00:46:01,800 --> 00:46:02,800
Aye.

980
00:46:03,500 --> 00:46:06,740
Oh, let's get on these rides then. It's
the best hangover cure ever.

981
00:46:09,520 --> 00:46:10,520
Yes.

982
00:46:10,680 --> 00:46:15,600
I've heard the water pressure on some of
these slides is quite high.

983
00:46:16,800 --> 00:46:18,020
Well, look out.

984
00:46:18,440 --> 00:46:19,359
Hypocrite alert.

985
00:46:19,360 --> 00:46:20,480
Ben, you came.

986
00:46:20,760 --> 00:46:21,760
Cool. Hi.

987
00:46:22,080 --> 00:46:25,220
Hi. Yeah, well, I wanted to see what the
tourists saw in the place.

988
00:46:25,460 --> 00:46:28,740
I'm not a serious man. I've got a
backpack for one. In Bolivia, they say

989
00:46:28,740 --> 00:46:31,380
if you put a shell on a donkey, does
that make him a crab?

990
00:46:32,549 --> 00:46:33,610
Don't know what that means, Ben.

991
00:46:34,310 --> 00:46:35,310
You'll find out.

992
00:46:42,490 --> 00:46:43,890
Right, let's ride some blooms! Yeah!

993
00:46:45,450 --> 00:46:48,910
Jay and Simon had left me to, as Jay put
it, chase after Katie like a little

994
00:46:48,910 --> 00:46:51,970
prick, while they, for some unknown
reason, headed to the lazy river.

995
00:46:52,290 --> 00:46:53,370
A child's ride.

996
00:46:54,030 --> 00:46:57,410
Does Jane work on this ride, then? No,
but as you can see from this map of the

997
00:46:57,410 --> 00:47:00,430
park, the lazy river pretty much covers
the whole place.

998
00:47:00,630 --> 00:47:03,410
So basically, we get on, drift around
till we see her.

999
00:47:03,650 --> 00:47:06,790
Simples. Don't know if that map is
entirely accurate. There are pirates and

1000
00:47:06,790 --> 00:47:09,050
crocodiles having a sword fight on it.
It's a map, all right.

1001
00:47:09,470 --> 00:47:10,470
Maps don't lie.

1002
00:47:10,970 --> 00:47:14,230
I'm so sorry if the kids are bothering
you. Oh, God, no, of course not. No, not

1003
00:47:14,230 --> 00:47:15,230
to our love kids.

1004
00:47:15,670 --> 00:47:16,670
He's a paedophile.

1005
00:47:21,840 --> 00:47:23,740
Seriously, I'm trying to help you. All
right.

1006
00:47:24,900 --> 00:47:25,900
Nudgies?

1007
00:47:28,420 --> 00:47:30,340
Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!

1008
00:47:32,240 --> 00:47:34,540
Nudgies was fast becoming no-one's
favourite game.

1009
00:47:35,460 --> 00:47:38,320
Meanwhile, Neil was teaching some
animals only slightly cleverer than him

1010
00:47:38,320 --> 00:47:39,740
that there's more to life than fish.

1011
00:47:43,400 --> 00:47:47,540
OK, guys, now you get some very special
one-on-one time with your dolphins.

1012
00:47:47,920 --> 00:47:50,500
If you'd like to take your positions...

1013
00:47:54,180 --> 00:47:55,180
Hello, gorgeous.

1014
00:47:55,960 --> 00:47:56,960
Come here.

1015
00:47:57,860 --> 00:47:58,860
Good boy.

1016
00:48:00,320 --> 00:48:01,680
This is amazing.

1017
00:48:03,480 --> 00:48:04,480
Lovely.

1018
00:48:04,900 --> 00:48:08,460
Look, apparently I'm not allowed to
train you because it turns out this lot

1019
00:48:08,460 --> 00:48:12,340
are well racist. But there's one thing I
can give you that they can't.

1020
00:48:17,260 --> 00:48:19,420
On land, we call that a burger.

1021
00:48:20,040 --> 00:48:23,380
McDonald's probably do the best one,
followed by Burger King. Oh, you like it

1022
00:48:23,380 --> 00:48:24,900
there. Come on, there's got to be worth
a kiss.

1023
00:48:25,700 --> 00:48:26,700
Oh,

1024
00:48:26,960 --> 00:48:27,960
lovely.

1025
00:48:28,660 --> 00:48:31,400
They say dolphins are clever, but what
they don't tell you is they're also

1026
00:48:31,400 --> 00:48:32,460
greedy little bastards.

1027
00:48:33,340 --> 00:48:36,200
Meanwhile, Jay and Simon were sticking
to their terrible plan.

1028
00:48:36,460 --> 00:48:38,040
This might not be the quickest way to
search the park.

1029
00:48:38,480 --> 00:48:40,780
Nah, it'll be fine. It's about time
before we find her.

1030
00:48:41,080 --> 00:48:42,080
Chill.

1031
00:48:49,960 --> 00:48:51,420
Is that him? Yeah, that's him.

1032
00:48:51,720 --> 00:48:52,720
Right.

1033
00:48:52,940 --> 00:48:55,060
Hey, mate, what are you doing with those
kids?

1034
00:48:56,800 --> 00:48:57,880
No, wait.

1035
00:48:58,280 --> 00:49:02,480
My friend was joking. You're disgusting.
I don't love kids. Please? I hate kids.

1036
00:49:02,820 --> 00:49:05,580
They're not safe to breathe.

1037
00:49:06,400 --> 00:49:07,400
I'm down.

1038
00:49:08,400 --> 00:49:12,540
Meanwhile, I was trying to impress a
girl I'd recently fingered to sleep. Oh,

1039
00:49:12,540 --> 00:49:15,360
my God, this is the hard rapids racer.
It's amazing.

1040
00:49:15,720 --> 00:49:19,830
He raced other people down rapids. Cool.
How about... Me versus Beaky, then.

1041
00:49:20,170 --> 00:49:22,130
Loser has to do a naked streak around
the park.

1042
00:49:22,410 --> 00:49:23,410
Yeah, that's hilarious.

1043
00:49:24,030 --> 00:49:25,190
Will, you're up for it, aren't you?

1044
00:49:25,670 --> 00:49:27,870
I would be, but I'm... Boring?

1045
00:49:28,110 --> 00:49:32,030
No, Ben. Scared? No, Ben. Ashamed of
your tiny penis? No, Ben. Actually, I

1046
00:49:32,030 --> 00:49:33,210
get nosebleeds. What?

1047
00:49:33,430 --> 00:49:36,250
I think you said that he gets
nosebleeds. Come on, let's race.

1048
00:49:37,950 --> 00:49:38,950
Will.

1049
00:49:39,810 --> 00:49:40,810
What happened to you?

1050
00:49:40,970 --> 00:49:45,250
Oh, I was waterboarded on the lazy river
because Jay told some parents I was a

1051
00:49:45,250 --> 00:49:47,270
paedophile. Pretty good. Where's Jay
now?

1052
00:49:47,660 --> 00:49:48,660
He's gone to find Jane.

1053
00:49:49,040 --> 00:49:50,540
Jane? That's why he's in Australia.

1054
00:49:50,780 --> 00:49:52,440
He found out she worked here and he's
desperate to get her back.

1055
00:49:52,880 --> 00:49:56,140
I'm not supposed to tell anyone, but
after that, fuck him.

1056
00:49:56,620 --> 00:49:57,620
Bill, come on!

1057
00:49:59,320 --> 00:50:00,480
What about your nose, please?

1058
00:50:02,900 --> 00:50:03,940
Did you want something?

1059
00:50:04,800 --> 00:50:08,160
Uh, yeah. I'm looking for someone that
works here, a girl called Jane.

1060
00:50:08,420 --> 00:50:10,080
Okay, we've had a few Janes. What does
she look like?

1061
00:50:10,480 --> 00:50:14,220
Um, she's got, like, red hair, quite
big. Well, no, beautiful.

1062
00:50:14,520 --> 00:50:16,660
Really, like, really, really beautiful.

1063
00:50:17,249 --> 00:50:18,670
Ah, yes, I know Jane.

1064
00:50:18,890 --> 00:50:20,170
Yeah, she's a stunner all right, huh?

1065
00:50:20,690 --> 00:50:22,490
Great, so whereabouts is she working
today?

1066
00:50:22,710 --> 00:50:25,570
Oh, she left about a month ago, mate.
She got a dream job working with horses

1067
00:50:25,570 --> 00:50:26,209
or something.

1068
00:50:26,210 --> 00:50:27,009
Did she say where?

1069
00:50:27,010 --> 00:50:28,010
Nah, sorry.

1070
00:50:28,190 --> 00:50:29,129
Outback somewhere?

1071
00:50:29,130 --> 00:50:32,050
Oh, that's all right. Guess I'll head to
the Outback and go find her.

1072
00:50:32,310 --> 00:50:33,288
To the Outback?

1073
00:50:33,290 --> 00:50:35,050
Yeah, you'll find her no problems.

1074
00:50:35,290 --> 00:50:36,029
Will I?

1075
00:50:36,030 --> 00:50:37,029
She amazing.

1076
00:50:37,030 --> 00:50:38,110
Are you some kind of moron?

1077
00:50:38,730 --> 00:50:40,510
Of course you fucking won't. The
Outback's enormous.

1078
00:50:40,990 --> 00:50:42,270
Nah, you'll never find her.

1079
00:50:48,680 --> 00:50:49,680
Do your lip alright?

1080
00:50:50,460 --> 00:50:51,460
Yeah.

1081
00:50:52,440 --> 00:50:54,620
If she gets in touch, do you want me to
tell her you're looking for her?

1082
00:50:55,440 --> 00:50:56,440
Nah, it's cool.

1083
00:50:56,480 --> 00:51:00,140
I'm not even bothered. I've got some
stuff to sort out in Vietnam.

1084
00:51:00,740 --> 00:51:01,740
Like CIA shit.

1085
00:51:02,280 --> 00:51:05,520
Basically, I'm getting my own private
train with a machine gun on front. I'm

1086
00:51:05,520 --> 00:51:08,920
going to drive across the country just
standing up, firing out the machine gun

1087
00:51:08,920 --> 00:51:10,180
as it goes along.

1088
00:51:18,220 --> 00:51:19,440
Now it's time for some chicken!

1089
00:51:19,660 --> 00:51:21,180
Shh! Don't tell anyone!

1090
00:51:25,300 --> 00:51:28,400
But this is the last one! It's the
bollocks!

1091
00:51:28,980 --> 00:51:29,980
Meatball sandwich!

1092
00:51:33,440 --> 00:51:34,440
Wake up!

1093
00:52:01,450 --> 00:52:04,210
We'll never know for certain exactly
what killed the dolphin, but we do know

1094
00:52:04,210 --> 00:52:05,350
that Neil did it.

1095
00:52:06,970 --> 00:52:10,370
There was tension in the air as we
waited to race, and tension in the queue

1096
00:52:10,370 --> 00:52:12,430
as Neil barged past with his irritable
bowels.

1097
00:52:13,830 --> 00:52:14,808
Out of the way.

1098
00:52:14,810 --> 00:52:16,570
I'll get in line, mate. No, I've got
mates.

1099
00:52:16,830 --> 00:52:17,950
I'm just, I'm going up there.

1100
00:52:18,230 --> 00:52:19,230
Alright.

1101
00:52:19,430 --> 00:52:20,490
How are the dolphins?

1102
00:52:21,410 --> 00:52:23,510
Dolphins are fine. Totally fine. Why
wouldn't they be?

1103
00:52:23,770 --> 00:52:24,649
How are you asking?

1104
00:52:24,650 --> 00:52:26,470
Well, I don't want to talk about the
fucking dolphins, okay?

1105
00:52:27,500 --> 00:52:28,500
Oh, my God.

1106
00:52:28,560 --> 00:52:29,960
So is this my irritating bounce?

1107
00:52:30,300 --> 00:52:31,460
Next two up. Right.

1108
00:52:32,080 --> 00:52:33,080
Good luck, boys.

1109
00:52:33,260 --> 00:52:35,940
See you at the bottom. Oh, and don't
forget, lose the streaks.

1110
00:52:38,560 --> 00:52:41,320
Oh, seriously, I would have thought I'd
been gone by now. It's a new one.

1111
00:52:41,820 --> 00:52:42,698
Jesus, Neil.

1112
00:52:42,700 --> 00:52:43,558
Come on, stop it.

1113
00:52:43,560 --> 00:52:44,560
Okay, next two.

1114
00:52:49,460 --> 00:52:50,460
Will, I've got an issue.

1115
00:52:50,480 --> 00:52:51,339
Ready to lose?

1116
00:52:51,340 --> 00:52:52,700
I'm not, but you are. Will.

1117
00:52:52,920 --> 00:52:53,919
I'm not going to lose.

1118
00:52:53,920 --> 00:52:54,759
What's that, mate?

1119
00:52:54,760 --> 00:52:56,880
Will. No, I'm gonna win. Will. I can't
lose.

1120
00:52:57,100 --> 00:52:58,960
We'll see about that. Will. I don't
lose.

1121
00:52:59,280 --> 00:53:00,280
You wish, Jellyfish.

1122
00:53:00,580 --> 00:53:01,920
What? Will.

1123
00:53:02,280 --> 00:53:04,440
Will, I need help. I lost one.

1124
00:53:04,840 --> 00:53:06,200
Maybe I'll pull a fruit. Go.

1125
00:53:09,260 --> 00:53:10,900
But it's got vowels. They're disabled.

1126
00:53:11,380 --> 00:53:12,380
Oh, no.

1127
00:54:54,540 --> 00:54:56,160
It wasn't funny, Simon. I was arrested.

1128
00:54:56,820 --> 00:55:00,100
Well, I don't know if the Splash Planet
security team can strictly arrest you.

1129
00:55:00,180 --> 00:55:01,180
Children were crying.

1130
00:55:01,420 --> 00:55:04,040
And I think that was you. I think that
was to do with that dolphin that died.

1131
00:55:04,620 --> 00:55:06,060
No, you were swimming with them. Did you
see anything?

1132
00:55:06,280 --> 00:55:08,760
Look, I didn't swim with any dolphin
sight. And if you keep telling lies

1133
00:55:08,760 --> 00:55:10,720
about me, I'm going to have to bring up
my mum's hairy face again.

1134
00:55:11,020 --> 00:55:12,020
All right, calm down.

1135
00:55:14,120 --> 00:55:15,120
You all right, Jay?

1136
00:55:16,340 --> 00:55:17,238
Everything's ruined.

1137
00:55:17,240 --> 00:55:18,740
What's up? Is it your Type 4 skin thing?

1138
00:55:18,980 --> 00:55:19,980
I fucked it up again.

1139
00:55:20,280 --> 00:55:22,320
No, lay off it for a week. It'll get
better. She's gone.

1140
00:55:22,840 --> 00:55:23,840
Forever. Who?

1141
00:55:24,069 --> 00:55:27,110
Jane. I should never have bought her
that wee fit. She said she wanted to

1142
00:55:27,110 --> 00:55:29,070
lose a bit of weight, and I was just
trying to help.

1143
00:55:29,790 --> 00:55:30,990
I loved her the way she was.

1144
00:55:31,490 --> 00:55:32,790
You bought her a wee fit?

1145
00:55:33,070 --> 00:55:36,810
So I came here to find her, to
apologise, to try and win her back. I

1146
00:55:36,810 --> 00:55:38,430
had no idea how big Australia was.

1147
00:55:38,970 --> 00:55:41,990
I knew it was an island, so I thought,
it can't be that big. I'll probably just

1148
00:55:41,990 --> 00:55:44,090
bump into her down the shops, but it's
fucking massive!

1149
00:55:45,190 --> 00:55:46,310
And now she's gone forever.

1150
00:55:46,650 --> 00:55:47,890
My life is pointless again.

1151
00:55:50,940 --> 00:55:52,460
Sorry, you bought her a wee fit.

1152
00:55:52,700 --> 00:55:53,700
My dad was right.

1153
00:55:54,020 --> 00:55:57,440
He should have just whipped it out and
splurged on my mum's ass rather than

1154
00:55:57,440 --> 00:55:58,440
waste it making me.

1155
00:56:01,700 --> 00:56:02,700
Still love her.

1156
00:56:03,560 --> 00:56:04,720
But I'll never find her.

1157
00:56:11,760 --> 00:56:13,340
So I could always ask Lucy where she is?

1158
00:56:14,020 --> 00:56:15,780
Oh shit, yeah. Lucy'll probably know.

1159
00:56:17,240 --> 00:56:20,100
Really? Actually, yeah. Thinking about
it, she'll definitely know.

1160
00:56:20,560 --> 00:56:21,560
She sent her a wedding invitation.

1161
00:56:22,280 --> 00:56:23,280
Let's go. I'll Skype her now.

1162
00:56:23,440 --> 00:56:25,160
Shotgun? Don't worry, mate. We'll find
her.

1163
00:56:25,560 --> 00:56:26,560
Thanks for this, Si.

1164
00:56:26,580 --> 00:56:27,580
No problem.

1165
00:56:27,860 --> 00:56:30,360
You'd all do the same for me? We
wouldn't. We think your bird's a fucking

1166
00:56:30,360 --> 00:56:31,900
nightmare. Fair enough.

1167
00:56:40,080 --> 00:56:43,200
So far, my travelling experience wasn't
going entirely to plan.

1168
00:56:43,540 --> 00:56:46,620
I'd assume that I'd get shit-faced at
some point, but not literally.

1169
00:56:53,740 --> 00:56:55,400
Right, you all go and pack up our stuff.
I'll just go up Lucy.

1170
00:56:57,100 --> 00:56:58,100
Will!

1171
00:56:59,420 --> 00:57:00,420
Will!

1172
00:57:01,560 --> 00:57:02,560
Will!

1173
00:57:03,740 --> 00:57:07,360
Look, Katie, I'm so embarrassed by my
friends. It was Neil's fault. He's got

1174
00:57:07,360 --> 00:57:09,380
this thing that went... What? It was
fucking hysterical.

1175
00:57:09,940 --> 00:57:12,820
Closing down Splash Planet. I mean,
everyone is talking about what an

1176
00:57:12,820 --> 00:57:14,240
absolute legend you are.

1177
00:57:14,540 --> 00:57:15,540
I'm a legend?

1178
00:57:15,620 --> 00:57:16,640
I mean, it looked horrific.

1179
00:57:16,920 --> 00:57:18,040
You were covered in shit, yeah?

1180
00:57:18,560 --> 00:57:21,820
Yeah. But at the same time, it was
literally the funniest thing I've ever

1181
00:57:21,820 --> 00:57:23,020
seen. We all love...

1182
00:57:23,520 --> 00:57:25,740
If it made you laugh, maybe it was worth
getting conjunctivitis.

1183
00:57:26,460 --> 00:57:27,460
You're mental.

1184
00:57:27,940 --> 00:57:29,620
So, what do you want to do later, then?

1185
00:57:30,340 --> 00:57:33,940
Drink, bite to eat. Sea kayaking, zip
lining, bungee?

1186
00:57:34,280 --> 00:57:36,800
Will, come on, you've got to pack. I am
talking, Simon.

1187
00:57:37,860 --> 00:57:41,820
Sorry about that. Pack? What? You can't
leave. The gang will be gutted. No,

1188
00:57:41,920 --> 00:57:43,200
you're not actually leaving, are you?

1189
00:57:43,440 --> 00:57:45,360
Yes. Well, nothing's finalised.

1190
00:57:45,850 --> 00:57:47,330
It's the song line ceremony tonight.

1191
00:57:47,530 --> 00:57:50,150
Look, it's perfect for you, Will. It's
incredibly spiritual.

1192
00:57:50,530 --> 00:57:52,350
We're going to the outback. That's why
Will should be packing up his things

1193
00:57:52,350 --> 00:57:52,968
right now.

1194
00:57:52,970 --> 00:57:56,690
Oh, OK. Well, if you're busy, I'll leave
you to it. No, Katie, I'm not busy. I

1195
00:57:56,690 --> 00:57:58,110
apologise to my friend. He's very rude.

1196
00:57:58,970 --> 00:58:00,830
Now, tell me about sea kayaking.

1197
00:58:01,570 --> 00:58:02,328
It's amazing.

1198
00:58:02,330 --> 00:58:04,890
They've got these kayaks, right, that go
in the sea.

1199
00:58:05,210 --> 00:58:06,870
No way! It's absolutely unbelievable.

1200
00:58:10,350 --> 00:58:13,390
Simon, this was not an agreed time for
Skype.

1201
00:58:13,870 --> 00:58:15,970
Lucy, listen, it's really important. Do
you know where Jane is staying?

1202
00:58:16,270 --> 00:58:17,270
Of course I do.

1203
00:58:17,390 --> 00:58:18,970
Simon, we need to talk about
photographers.

1204
00:58:19,230 --> 00:58:20,850
I think you're going to have to take out
another student loan.

1205
00:58:21,270 --> 00:58:22,270
Christ, really?

1206
00:58:23,230 --> 00:58:25,310
Right, fine, whatever. Can you just get
me her address?

1207
00:58:25,990 --> 00:58:28,170
And I've asked Pete to be your best man.

1208
00:58:28,430 --> 00:58:29,430
I meant to decide that.

1209
00:58:29,530 --> 00:58:32,670
All your friends are massive dicks,
except Pete.

1210
00:58:33,290 --> 00:58:36,650
It's Pete or no one. Great, fine, it's
Pete. Now, I need that address.

1211
00:58:36,950 --> 00:58:38,870
Pete's been amazing. Yeah, yeah, Pete's
amazing.

1212
00:58:39,250 --> 00:58:40,129
Please, Lucy.

1213
00:58:40,130 --> 00:58:41,710
Oh, thanks, mate. I am amazing.

1214
00:58:41,950 --> 00:58:42,950
Good day, Pete.

1215
00:58:44,160 --> 00:58:45,540
Surprise. How are things down under?

1216
00:58:45,780 --> 00:58:47,240
And I don't mean your horrible balls.

1217
00:58:48,000 --> 00:58:49,000
You've got horrible balls.

1218
00:58:49,240 --> 00:58:50,360
You actually have, though.

1219
00:58:52,000 --> 00:58:53,460
Banter. So, go on, how is it, then?

1220
00:58:54,020 --> 00:58:57,600
Not been eaten by a shark yet? Worst
luck? Thank you. Yeah. I'm the best man

1221
00:58:57,600 --> 00:58:58,259
you are.

1222
00:58:58,260 --> 00:59:01,020
I'm the best of the best, mate. You know
it. I should be called the brilliant

1223
00:59:01,020 --> 00:59:02,020
man. Yeah.

1224
00:59:02,799 --> 00:59:04,280
Um, it's a mate. We're in a bit of a
rush.

1225
00:59:04,500 --> 00:59:08,640
Okay, so she's staying at Beaulieu's
stud farm near Birdsville.

1226
00:59:08,920 --> 00:59:11,700
I don't have the exact address because
they pick up the post from the town

1227
00:59:11,700 --> 00:59:13,080
hotel. So what's the house number?

1228
00:59:13,300 --> 00:59:15,240
I told you I don't have it.

1229
00:59:15,540 --> 00:59:18,440
It's a massive farm, you div. You'll
find it. Yeah, you div.

1230
00:59:18,720 --> 00:59:20,040
Huh. Of course.

1231
00:59:20,260 --> 00:59:21,420
Over and out, Captain Kirk.

1232
00:59:24,220 --> 00:59:25,220
Did you get it?

1233
00:59:26,080 --> 00:59:28,800
Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's at a stud farm
near Birdsville.

1234
00:59:29,060 --> 00:59:30,060
Oh, well, that's me fucked.

1235
00:59:30,510 --> 00:59:32,230
If she's at a stud farm, then she'll
have her pick.

1236
00:59:32,490 --> 00:59:34,070
I've got no chance. I've lost her.

1237
00:59:34,550 --> 00:59:36,930
Um, a stud farm's where they breed
horses.

1238
00:59:38,730 --> 00:59:39,730
Yes, I know.

1239
00:59:40,070 --> 00:59:41,670
Just saying she really likes horses.

1240
00:59:46,610 --> 00:59:48,510
Look, you won't need a life vest in the
car while it's dry.

1241
00:59:49,030 --> 00:59:50,030
Get that off. We're leaving.

1242
00:59:50,290 --> 00:59:51,229
I'm staying here.

1243
00:59:51,230 --> 00:59:53,450
Don't be a dick. Just get in the car.
No, I'm staying.

1244
00:59:53,710 --> 00:59:54,710
For a bit.

1245
00:59:54,760 --> 00:59:56,600
Then I'm going to do some real
travelling with people who do it

1246
00:59:56,600 --> 00:59:59,860
properly. What, those tools in there?
They think you're a twat. And I've met

1247
00:59:59,860 --> 01:00:03,140
someone I like who likes me. Will, be
careful. Jay told me that enough before

1248
01:00:03,140 --> 01:00:04,760
mates is actually a crime in Australia.

1249
01:00:05,040 --> 01:00:06,040
You think you're my mates?

1250
01:00:06,620 --> 01:00:09,840
You don't do any of the things I like.
You don't talk about things I like. And

1251
01:00:09,840 --> 01:00:10,900
you shit on my face.

1252
01:00:11,300 --> 01:00:12,360
Why would I come with you?

1253
01:00:12,640 --> 01:00:13,640
I only shit on your face once.

1254
01:00:13,860 --> 01:00:16,240
I'm not sure how much clearer I can make
it. I'm not...

1255
01:00:16,730 --> 01:00:19,950
Fine, fuck y'all. We'll go to Birdsville
without y'all. You're being stupid.

1256
01:00:20,190 --> 01:00:23,290
You got dumped, just like I got dumped,
just like Simon will probably get dumped

1257
01:00:23,290 --> 01:00:24,790
too. Sorry, I mean divorced.

1258
01:00:25,190 --> 01:00:26,390
Get over it and be realistic.

1259
01:00:26,670 --> 01:00:29,650
Chasing a girl around Australia isn't a
romantic joke. It's extreme stalking.

1260
01:00:30,770 --> 01:00:32,110
Well, that's exactly what you're doing
to Katie.

1261
01:00:38,050 --> 01:00:39,050
Grow up, Simon.

1262
01:00:39,130 --> 01:00:39,928
You grow up.

1263
01:00:39,930 --> 01:00:42,630
I am growing up. You should grow up.
Really? Grow up?

1264
01:00:42,990 --> 01:00:44,790
I am. You're not, so grow up.

1265
01:00:45,210 --> 01:00:48,950
Oh, that's grown up. Grow up. Yeah, you
should. We'll see who's grown up, won't

1266
01:00:48,950 --> 01:00:53,610
we? Grow up. Grow up. Oh, grow up! Grow
up!

1267
01:00:54,110 --> 01:00:55,110
Grow up.

1268
01:00:56,330 --> 01:00:57,710
I feel a bit sad.

1269
01:00:58,750 --> 01:00:59,750
Can I drive?

1270
01:00:59,850 --> 01:01:00,609
Yeah, sure.

1271
01:01:00,610 --> 01:01:02,790
And can I be best man? No, it's fucking
Pete.

1272
01:01:03,370 --> 01:01:07,750
So, this evening we can watch it grow.

1273
01:01:08,190 --> 01:01:10,530
Just like a cheery fucking guy.

1274
01:01:11,610 --> 01:01:12,610
Grow up!

1275
01:01:12,870 --> 01:01:14,030
Off they went, the idiots.

1276
01:01:14,470 --> 01:01:15,470
Good riddance to them.

1277
01:01:15,790 --> 01:01:18,290
I was gonna have an authentic experience
sea kayaking.

1278
01:01:21,550 --> 01:01:25,630
At least if I drowned, and it looked
like I might drown, people could say he

1279
01:01:25,630 --> 01:01:28,990
died doing what he did best, making a
twat of himself in front of a girl.

1280
01:02:02,129 --> 01:02:04,170
What? I said, what time is it now?

1281
01:02:04,590 --> 01:02:07,430
No, you fucking didn't. You said a
wobbobob, Bob. Are you sure you're OK to

1282
01:02:07,430 --> 01:02:08,430
drive? Yeah, it's fine.

1283
01:02:08,750 --> 01:02:09,910
I think I might cry again.

1284
01:02:10,670 --> 01:02:11,670
Is it far now?

1285
01:02:11,950 --> 01:02:17,390
No, it's only about 400 miles. You can
make that, can't you, Neil? Course. Got

1286
01:02:17,390 --> 01:02:18,390
a system.

1287
01:02:23,570 --> 01:02:24,990
Maybe we should stop for a bit.

1288
01:02:53,290 --> 01:02:58,110
Now we've cleansed the area with sound,
we can begin. We are sitting on song

1289
01:02:58,110 --> 01:03:01,310
lines, the ancient lines of power that
cross Australia.

1290
01:03:01,530 --> 01:03:02,730
Can you feel the connection?

1291
01:03:03,010 --> 01:03:04,190
Yeah. Amazing.

1292
01:03:04,670 --> 01:03:09,590
We carry a great responsibility. What we
say here before the fire, we transmit

1293
01:03:09,590 --> 01:03:12,410
out on the song lines to the rest of the
planet.

1294
01:03:12,990 --> 01:03:17,110
Let's help heal the world by throwing
all the world's negativities onto the

1295
01:03:17,110 --> 01:03:20,990
fire. Each think of a negativity and
burn it. What's your negativity?

1296
01:03:22,500 --> 01:03:23,500
Narrow-mindedness.

1297
01:03:23,720 --> 01:03:24,720
Good.

1298
01:03:24,920 --> 01:03:27,820
That's really good. Stephen. Oh, God,
where to start?

1299
01:03:28,360 --> 01:03:33,960
I'm just a seeker, a searcher, but
present in this moment, away from the

1300
01:03:33,960 --> 01:03:38,740
past, away from a military father who I
love so much, but Daddy wasn't around,

1301
01:03:38,980 --> 01:03:44,060
and away from my distant mother. But I'm
here now, in the now, not there.

1302
01:03:45,160 --> 01:03:47,780
I'm just wondering how to tell Mummy
what hugs mean.

1303
01:03:50,030 --> 01:03:52,170
She asked what negativity you want to
throw on the fire.

1304
01:03:52,990 --> 01:03:54,730
Oh, right. Yeah, cool.

1305
01:03:55,150 --> 01:03:57,410
Um... Conformity!

1306
01:03:57,790 --> 01:04:00,830
Excellent. Now, what's your negativity,
brother?

1307
01:04:02,130 --> 01:04:04,630
Um... Come on.

1308
01:04:05,650 --> 01:04:07,970
Um... Negativity.

1309
01:04:08,330 --> 01:04:09,370
Yes. Which one?

1310
01:04:09,590 --> 01:04:10,850
Just negativity.

1311
01:04:11,590 --> 01:04:14,950
Remember, we can help heal the whole
world.

1312
01:04:15,930 --> 01:04:17,370
Pass. Pass?

1313
01:04:17,980 --> 01:04:19,760
Look, maybe you should just tell me the
right answer.

1314
01:04:20,560 --> 01:04:21,760
There's no right answer.

1315
01:04:22,580 --> 01:04:23,580
Clearly there is, though.

1316
01:04:31,040 --> 01:04:32,040
Raw pot noodle, anyone?

1317
01:04:32,400 --> 01:04:33,520
Not bad, but a bit crunchy.

1318
01:04:34,220 --> 01:04:36,560
I reckon I'll probably propose to Jane
when I see her.

1319
01:04:36,820 --> 01:04:38,620
What about the Thai bird you told me you
were seeing? What?

1320
01:04:38,880 --> 01:04:41,200
The one that's a black belt and firing
ping-pong balls out of her fanny.

1321
01:04:41,420 --> 01:04:43,820
Oh, yeah, no, she had to go back to
Vietnam.

1322
01:04:44,140 --> 01:04:45,140
Thailand. Thailand.

1323
01:04:45,800 --> 01:04:46,900
Yeah, no, Jane's the one.

1324
01:04:47,720 --> 01:04:49,640
I'll be married and you'll be married,
Si.

1325
01:04:49,840 --> 01:04:52,420
Yeah. So we can go on, like, double
dates and stuff.

1326
01:04:52,680 --> 01:04:54,660
Yeah. Lucy's not that bad, really.

1327
01:04:55,140 --> 01:04:57,200
Maybe being married to her will be all
right. It will be.

1328
01:04:57,440 --> 01:04:59,360
And it's got to be easier than breaking
up with her.

1329
01:04:59,600 --> 01:05:01,080
She's microwaved my PlayStation.

1330
01:05:05,700 --> 01:05:06,700
Della.

1331
01:05:07,380 --> 01:05:09,240
Um, racism.

1332
01:05:10,040 --> 01:05:11,360
Oh, I hate that.

1333
01:05:12,380 --> 01:05:14,240
Ben, negative thoughts.

1334
01:05:14,730 --> 01:05:16,570
Good. How is that different to saying
negativity?

1335
01:05:17,150 --> 01:05:19,390
Will, please, just respect the song
lines.

1336
01:05:20,190 --> 01:05:21,190
Christian.

1337
01:05:21,770 --> 01:05:22,770
Racial hatred.

1338
01:05:23,170 --> 01:05:25,690
Mm, good. Yeah, already had that one,
Chris.

1339
01:05:26,150 --> 01:05:29,050
What? We've had that. He's going to
think of another one. Think of another

1340
01:05:29,050 --> 01:05:31,670
one. So you think racial hatred is a
good thing?

1341
01:05:31,890 --> 01:05:33,550
You know I'm not saying that, Ben.

1342
01:05:33,850 --> 01:05:36,450
She said racism. He said racial hatred.
Pick another.

1343
01:05:36,730 --> 01:05:38,470
Will, there's no right or wrong answers.

1344
01:05:38,910 --> 01:05:40,470
Yes, there is. You know there is.

1345
01:05:40,670 --> 01:05:43,590
Let it all flow out. We all support you.

1346
01:05:43,930 --> 01:05:45,750
There's no judgment here. So you keep
saying.

1347
01:05:46,090 --> 01:05:49,010
Well, in that case, I'd like to throw
the poor and disadvantaged onto the

1348
01:05:49,010 --> 01:05:52,870
fire, and the handicapped, the homeless,
and babies. Yes, spazzy little African

1349
01:05:52,870 --> 01:05:56,670
babies riddled with malaria and AIDS.
Oh, there they go, onto the fire.

1350
01:05:56,770 --> 01:05:58,330
Sizzle, sizzle, sizzle. How's that?

1351
01:05:58,670 --> 01:05:59,669
That is wrong.

1352
01:05:59,670 --> 01:06:00,790
Yep, thought it might be.

1353
01:06:03,810 --> 01:06:04,810
Excuse me.

1354
01:06:06,750 --> 01:06:09,050
I throw anger onto the fire.

1355
01:06:09,290 --> 01:06:10,290
Yeah.

1356
01:06:10,750 --> 01:06:11,750
Stephen.

1357
01:06:12,490 --> 01:06:15,660
Infidelity. Oh, will you just fucking
let it go?

1358
01:06:19,940 --> 01:06:20,940
Will, are you okay?

1359
01:06:22,160 --> 01:06:24,200
Yeah. Sorry, I didn't mean to ruin it.

1360
01:06:24,420 --> 01:06:27,560
Oh, no, you didn't. No, we still had an
amazing connection.

1361
01:06:28,080 --> 01:06:29,080
Oh, good.

1362
01:06:29,140 --> 01:06:29,959
That's good.

1363
01:06:29,960 --> 01:06:34,540
Listen, whatever your energy is when you
interact over firestones, that's your

1364
01:06:34,540 --> 01:06:36,300
song. And your song is humour.

1365
01:06:36,860 --> 01:06:39,650
Oh. Thank you. And also anger.

1366
01:06:39,970 --> 01:06:43,150
You have a large, quite deep anger song
in you.

1367
01:06:43,990 --> 01:06:44,990
Frustration, maybe.

1368
01:06:45,010 --> 01:06:48,310
And sometimes it's hard to hear the
humour song with the anger song singing

1369
01:06:48,310 --> 01:06:49,310
so very loud.

1370
01:06:51,350 --> 01:06:53,050
You do like me, don't you, Katie?

1371
01:06:53,770 --> 01:06:55,030
Of course I do.

1372
01:06:59,290 --> 01:07:01,370
Sorry, Ben. This is a private party.

1373
01:07:01,650 --> 01:07:02,650
Oh, OK.

1374
01:07:12,650 --> 01:07:13,650
See you later.

1375
01:07:16,270 --> 01:07:17,270
Are you okay?

1376
01:07:17,890 --> 01:07:18,890
That was horrible.

1377
01:07:19,270 --> 01:07:20,089
What was?

1378
01:07:20,090 --> 01:07:23,350
Him just kissing you like that. Do you
want me to call somebody? He shouldn't

1379
01:07:23,350 --> 01:07:24,129
get away with that.

1380
01:07:24,130 --> 01:07:25,130
Oh, I know.

1381
01:07:25,390 --> 01:07:26,970
He can be such a tease.

1382
01:07:29,050 --> 01:07:31,610
Tease? He knows that drives me crazy.

1383
01:07:32,210 --> 01:07:34,370
Crazy angry, right? I'm tingly.

1384
01:07:34,990 --> 01:07:37,990
Bad tingly. Like really severe pins and
needles.

1385
01:07:38,210 --> 01:07:39,210
Oh, God, no.

1386
01:07:39,250 --> 01:07:41,970
Nice. Scary. I don't know how he does
it.

1387
01:07:43,240 --> 01:07:44,640
What is happening here?

1388
01:07:45,560 --> 01:07:49,680
We've been having this on-off thing for
ages, and he drives me mental when we

1389
01:07:49,680 --> 01:07:53,740
fight, but in the end, the animal urge,
it's just too much to ignore.

1390
01:07:54,140 --> 01:07:55,180
You said he was a dick.

1391
01:07:55,400 --> 01:07:59,020
Well, I wish you'd get to know him. He
is such a spiritual guy.

1392
01:07:59,580 --> 01:08:02,640
So you're with him, even though you
kissed me?

1393
01:08:03,080 --> 01:08:07,580
Well, I like you, I kissed you, but I
kiss a lot of people, especially when

1394
01:08:07,580 --> 01:08:08,359
I'm drunk.

1395
01:08:08,360 --> 01:08:12,060
What Ben and I have, it's a deep lust
for each other.

1396
01:08:12,780 --> 01:08:13,780
It's spiritual.

1397
01:08:13,960 --> 01:08:17,000
Right, that's the last time. Even the
dictionary definition of spiritual,

1398
01:08:17,140 --> 01:08:19,600
which I looked up the other day,
suggests it's about the soul, another

1399
01:08:19,600 --> 01:08:21,380
vague and probably non-existent concept.

1400
01:08:21,740 --> 01:08:23,819
I don't think you get it, but that's
cool.

1401
01:08:24,040 --> 01:08:26,000
No, no, I get it all right, you
patronizing cow.

1402
01:08:26,319 --> 01:08:29,380
It's you twats that don't get it. That's
right, I called you twats.

1403
01:08:29,640 --> 01:08:30,618
Chill, Will.

1404
01:08:30,620 --> 01:08:34,380
Playing the guitar badly, wearing beads,
talking about one love, and pretending

1405
01:08:34,380 --> 01:08:36,600
your friends were Central American
villagers, who, by the way...

1406
01:08:37,190 --> 01:08:40,510
Despise you? Before heading back to your
parents' five-bedroom house in Surrey?

1407
01:08:40,590 --> 01:08:43,010
It doesn't make you a spiritual person.
It makes you a bellend.

1408
01:08:43,290 --> 01:08:45,130
I think you're right about his song,
Katie.

1409
01:08:45,470 --> 01:08:46,870
Oh, fuck off, Ben.

1410
01:08:47,229 --> 01:08:49,149
You don't believe in song lines any more
than I do.

1411
01:08:49,370 --> 01:08:51,910
It's just a way for you to seem
interesting to girls because deep down

1412
01:08:51,910 --> 01:08:54,609
you know you're boring and pretentious,
just like your stupid fucking

1413
01:08:54,609 --> 01:08:57,770
dreadlocks. Which, by the way, always
look embarrassing on white people.

1414
01:08:57,930 --> 01:09:00,990
They're not countercultural. They
actually scream, I've got a trust fund.

1415
01:09:01,170 --> 01:09:03,710
So get a normal haircut, you unbearable
prick.

1416
01:09:04,350 --> 01:09:05,350
Goodbye.

1417
01:09:08,779 --> 01:09:12,420
I may have won the battle, but I'd lost
the war. By now my real friends were

1418
01:09:12,420 --> 01:09:16,399
hundreds of miles away, but my fake
friends were a little too close to home.

1419
01:09:16,580 --> 01:09:17,580
I don't lose.

1420
01:09:17,779 --> 01:09:18,840
I don't lose.

1421
01:09:19,580 --> 01:09:20,720
I don't lose.

1422
01:09:21,520 --> 01:09:23,840
I don't lose.

1423
01:09:38,240 --> 01:09:41,220
One ticket to Birdsville, so that'll be
$350.

1424
01:09:42,840 --> 01:09:44,800
Have you flown this route before?

1425
01:09:45,080 --> 01:09:49,580
No. Okay, you'll want these then.
There's some sick bags, because you are

1426
01:09:49,580 --> 01:09:50,580
going to be sick.

1427
01:09:52,200 --> 01:09:53,779
Oh, oh, fuck!

1428
01:09:54,640 --> 01:09:56,420
Oh, my God!

1429
01:10:00,060 --> 01:10:01,060
See you later.

1430
01:10:01,220 --> 01:10:03,780
They were nice. Apart from when they
tried to fight us those times.

1431
01:10:04,000 --> 01:10:05,140
It's the next property, Sawyer.

1432
01:10:05,420 --> 01:10:07,340
Just down the Birdsville track. Yeah,
not far now, mate.

1433
01:10:14,060 --> 01:10:15,060
Ring!

1434
01:10:15,300 --> 01:10:17,100
Ring! What the fuck is that?

1435
01:10:18,400 --> 01:10:19,400
Guy!

1436
01:10:20,080 --> 01:10:23,120
Ring! I think it's a prick.

1437
01:10:32,840 --> 01:10:33,840
I had to get here.

1438
01:10:34,470 --> 01:10:40,030
I'm just so lost at the moment with uni,
and I know I've made some bad decisions,

1439
01:10:40,190 --> 01:10:43,230
but I'm finding it hard to know who I
am.

1440
01:10:44,050 --> 01:10:47,910
Anyway, I'd be better to get going. No,
no, no, listen, please.

1441
01:10:48,270 --> 01:10:52,170
I don't have many friends, and I thought
those people... Nudgies.

1442
01:10:54,650 --> 01:10:55,650
Get in.

1443
01:11:29,570 --> 01:11:32,050
Did they say exactly how far the next
farm is?

1444
01:11:32,270 --> 01:11:34,130
Oh shit, we're on the white bit of the
petrol meter.

1445
01:11:34,410 --> 01:11:38,070
Oh, don't worry about that. That's a con
by car makers and oil people to get you

1446
01:11:38,070 --> 01:11:38,769
to buy more.

1447
01:11:38,770 --> 01:11:41,490
I once went to Portugal and back on the
white bit. I don't know, it looks quite

1448
01:11:41,490 --> 01:11:43,050
low. Please, let's just keep going.

1449
01:11:43,500 --> 01:11:46,100
Of course, mate. And there's bound to be
a petrol station round here somewhere.

1450
01:12:02,760 --> 01:12:03,760
Oh, shit.

1451
01:12:04,100 --> 01:12:06,020
Don't worry, I just coasted for a couple
of miles.

1452
01:12:18,890 --> 01:12:19,890
It's very hot in here.

1453
01:12:20,130 --> 01:12:21,810
Oh, yeah. Sorry about that. I had the
eating on.

1454
01:12:23,470 --> 01:12:24,449
What now?

1455
01:12:24,450 --> 01:12:25,810
Wait for someone to pass by to help?

1456
01:12:26,130 --> 01:12:29,030
Ah, bollocks. We'll just find the IA and
they'll come pick us up. How's the

1457
01:12:29,030 --> 01:12:30,030
reception on your phone?

1458
01:12:31,210 --> 01:12:32,210
Oh, fuck.

1459
01:12:32,510 --> 01:12:35,150
Exactly. We should get out of the car,
though. It's essentially an oven.

1460
01:12:42,950 --> 01:12:44,510
It's not that much cooler out of the
car, to be fair.

1461
01:12:44,990 --> 01:12:46,690
All right. We're in a bit of a spot
here.

1462
01:12:47,000 --> 01:12:49,920
We've got to keep calm. Do not panic.
How much water have we got?

1463
01:12:50,560 --> 01:12:51,560
None.

1464
01:12:51,920 --> 01:12:53,200
Okay, bad start.

1465
01:12:53,520 --> 01:12:54,478
We'll be fine.

1466
01:12:54,480 --> 01:12:56,740
There'll probably be a wise old
Aboriginal along any minute.

1467
01:12:57,000 --> 01:13:00,160
Have a think. In the two hours since we
left Birdsville, how many cars have we

1468
01:13:00,160 --> 01:13:01,320
seen? Oh, none.

1469
01:13:01,640 --> 01:13:02,619
None is correct.

1470
01:13:02,620 --> 01:13:03,940
Now, how many wise old Aboriginals?

1471
01:13:04,220 --> 01:13:06,220
None. None? Fucking none!

1472
01:13:06,540 --> 01:13:09,260
We aren't in England anymore. We're
somewhere actually genuinely dangerous.

1473
01:13:09,620 --> 01:13:11,220
Don't shit your pants. I know Australia.

1474
01:13:11,640 --> 01:13:15,080
Someone will be along in a minute. But
what if they aren't? They will be.

1475
01:13:15,200 --> 01:13:16,200
Anyone want a drink?

1476
01:13:16,590 --> 01:13:17,590
Have you got water?

1477
01:13:17,670 --> 01:13:18,790
No, just wondered.

1478
01:13:19,010 --> 01:13:20,010
Really thirsty.

1479
01:13:20,430 --> 01:13:21,730
We need a survival plan.

1480
01:13:21,970 --> 01:13:24,970
No, I doubt it. Actually, Neil, in the
desert without water, we'll die in a

1481
01:13:24,970 --> 01:13:28,190
day. I think we're going to be fine.
How, Simon?

1482
01:13:28,510 --> 01:13:31,730
Tell me how we're going to be fine.
People will be looking for us. Who?

1483
01:13:32,030 --> 01:13:33,970
Who even knows we're missing? Or cares?

1484
01:13:34,330 --> 01:13:35,249
Your dad?

1485
01:13:35,250 --> 01:13:36,250
Jay's uncle?

1486
01:13:36,350 --> 01:13:38,690
Your mum would if she wasn't too busy
getting fucked by a stranger.

1487
01:13:38,990 --> 01:13:41,190
Oh, it's nasty, but it's probably true.

1488
01:13:41,530 --> 01:13:42,530
We could drink our piss.

1489
01:13:42,630 --> 01:13:44,970
What? No, honestly, it's all right. I'll
do it occasionally.

1490
01:13:45,430 --> 01:13:47,490
Hey, I bit my spunk once, too. You're
grim, mate.

1491
01:13:47,830 --> 01:13:50,210
Basically, I need a piss, and it seems a
shame to waste it.

1492
01:13:51,670 --> 01:13:52,670
I'm Neil.

1493
01:13:55,290 --> 01:13:56,290
Neil, do you have to do that here?

1494
01:13:56,630 --> 01:13:58,610
If you can't see it actually coming out
the end, it's not rude.

1495
01:13:59,270 --> 01:14:00,270
Wait a minute.

1496
01:14:00,390 --> 01:14:02,310
There's probably some water in the
windscreen washer pot.

1497
01:14:02,610 --> 01:14:03,650
We could share that out.

1498
01:14:06,170 --> 01:14:08,210
Perfect. This should keep us going.

1499
01:14:08,650 --> 01:14:10,130
Uncle Jay sorts it again.

1500
01:14:25,330 --> 01:14:26,330
So... Obviously.

1501
01:14:26,610 --> 01:14:27,890
Seriously, we do need a plan.

1502
01:14:28,270 --> 01:14:30,310
I saw that film where the bloke got
stuck in the desert but lived.

1503
01:14:30,550 --> 01:14:32,450
What did he do? Cut his arm off with a
penknife.

1504
01:14:32,890 --> 01:14:34,230
Right. Any other ideas?

1505
01:14:34,630 --> 01:14:36,710
And I've watched every episode of Bear
Grylls Man vs. Wild.

1506
01:14:37,110 --> 01:14:38,830
Okay, now we're getting somewhere.

1507
01:14:39,230 --> 01:14:41,770
What would Bear suggest we do in this
situation, Neil? Okay, well, for

1508
01:14:41,770 --> 01:14:44,250
starters, when we get a salmon, we've
just got to bite into the middle of it,

1509
01:14:44,310 --> 01:14:46,770
like, even though it's raw. There isn't
any water. Where are we going to get a

1510
01:14:46,770 --> 01:14:47,950
salmon from, you fucking idiot?

1511
01:14:52,860 --> 01:14:55,220
Neil's got a point, though. We should
split up and search the area for water

1512
01:14:55,220 --> 01:14:56,220
sources. Got a seven?

1513
01:14:57,180 --> 01:14:58,180
Yes.

1514
01:15:19,880 --> 01:15:20,880
Thanks very much, Dad.

1515
01:15:21,020 --> 01:15:23,940
Thanks for not teaching me how to find
water. The only thing I would ever need

1516
01:15:23,940 --> 01:15:27,000
to know my entire fucking life. Oh, go
and do a sociology degree. That'll be

1517
01:15:27,000 --> 01:15:28,000
fucking helpful.

1518
01:15:28,260 --> 01:15:31,140
Oh, yeah, well, so it goes.

1519
01:15:31,400 --> 01:15:33,080
Yeah, so it goes.

1520
01:15:33,820 --> 01:15:34,900
Si, quick, look.

1521
01:15:36,400 --> 01:15:38,920
Oh, that sweet little moon.

1522
01:15:39,220 --> 01:15:40,580
Them emmy stones.

1523
01:15:44,160 --> 01:15:48,340
Yeah, let's take a chance. I'll win on
the boss.

1524
01:15:49,660 --> 01:15:51,280
Okay. Learn from your mistakes.

1525
01:15:51,540 --> 01:15:54,560
Wandering around failing to find water
just uses up calories. We've learned

1526
01:15:54,560 --> 01:15:55,560
that. That's good.

1527
01:15:56,000 --> 01:15:57,960
I can't believe we didn't bring any sun
cream.

1528
01:15:58,460 --> 01:16:00,100
Not even, like, Factor 8.

1529
01:16:00,860 --> 01:16:03,420
Even some shitty Factor 8 would make the
situation better.

1530
01:16:03,900 --> 01:16:05,740
God, I'd love some Factor 8 right now.

1531
01:16:07,620 --> 01:16:08,620
Oh, my gosh.

1532
01:16:08,860 --> 01:16:09,860
A lake!

1533
01:16:09,900 --> 01:16:11,100
A fucking lake!

1534
01:16:11,320 --> 01:16:13,600
We're safe! I can't believe we never
spotted that!

1535
01:16:14,000 --> 01:16:15,020
It's a mirage, Neil.

1536
01:16:15,260 --> 01:16:16,300
Is that Australian for lake?

1537
01:16:16,780 --> 01:16:18,620
It means because you're hot, you're
seeing things.

1538
01:16:18,860 --> 01:16:21,140
What if it is a lake? You're seeing
things. It's an illusion.

1539
01:16:21,640 --> 01:16:25,320
Well, if I was seeing things, I'd be
seeing cool things, like Optimus Prime

1540
01:16:25,320 --> 01:16:28,740
banging Katy Perry, or a jade the size
of a house, but all his fingers are

1541
01:16:28,740 --> 01:16:29,579
Cadbury's flakes.

1542
01:16:29,580 --> 01:16:30,620
I want water more than anything.

1543
01:16:30,880 --> 01:16:31,879
I'll get us water, Si.

1544
01:16:31,880 --> 01:16:32,639
Don't worry.

1545
01:16:32,640 --> 01:16:34,100
This is it. We're saved.

1546
01:16:34,320 --> 01:16:35,640
Thank you, Bear Grylls!

1547
01:17:05,320 --> 01:17:06,960
I told him so. I know you did.

1548
01:17:07,900 --> 01:17:08,960
Can we start panicking now?

1549
01:17:09,540 --> 01:17:10,540
Yeah.

1550
01:17:11,540 --> 01:17:12,540
No!

1551
01:17:20,380 --> 01:17:21,900
I bet they use a shit picture.

1552
01:17:22,420 --> 01:17:23,420
What?

1553
01:17:24,320 --> 01:17:26,980
When they report us being dead, I bet
they use a picture where my hair looks

1554
01:17:26,980 --> 01:17:28,980
shit. There's plenty to choose from.

1555
01:17:29,440 --> 01:17:31,520
I'll be described as engaged for fuck's
sake.

1556
01:17:31,760 --> 01:17:34,060
I bet Lucy will love that. She'll melt
the attention of the cow.

1557
01:17:34,430 --> 01:17:37,530
I don't think you'll be that bothered. I
will. I don't think you will be, because

1558
01:17:37,530 --> 01:17:38,770
crucially, you'll be dead.

1559
01:17:39,290 --> 01:17:41,690
Stone fucking dead, just like we all
will.

1560
01:17:43,350 --> 01:17:45,410
Oh, God, I don't want to die.

1561
01:17:54,910 --> 01:17:57,470
Oh, for fuck's sake, I'm too dehydrated
to cry.

1562
01:17:58,710 --> 01:18:00,170
I wish my mum was here.

1563
01:18:00,450 --> 01:18:01,450
Does she deliver water?

1564
01:18:01,610 --> 01:18:02,670
She does when I'm nearby.

1565
01:18:07,350 --> 01:18:08,350
From a fanny.

1566
01:18:10,830 --> 01:18:11,970
So fucking thirsty.

1567
01:18:12,550 --> 01:18:15,150
Do you want to try this bunk thing? It's
a bit like a salty smoothie.

1568
01:18:15,650 --> 01:18:18,770
I can't think of anything I want to do
less right now than wank. Jesus.

1569
01:18:19,450 --> 01:18:21,130
Things are even more serious than I
thought.

1570
01:18:22,170 --> 01:18:23,790
Neil, if you can piss again now, I'll
drink it.

1571
01:18:24,010 --> 01:18:25,550
You should really only drink your own,
Si.

1572
01:18:26,510 --> 01:18:27,910
So dehydrated I can't piss.

1573
01:18:28,870 --> 01:18:29,870
Neil, please.

1574
01:18:30,450 --> 01:18:31,450
Help.

1575
01:18:32,270 --> 01:18:33,270
I'm dying.

1576
01:18:34,990 --> 01:18:35,990
Of course, mate.

1577
01:19:03,380 --> 01:19:04,880
Sorry, sorry, I've got no more piss.

1578
01:19:05,100 --> 01:19:06,100
That's all right, mate.

1579
01:19:06,280 --> 01:19:07,280
Thanks for trying.

1580
01:19:07,320 --> 01:19:09,640
I was trying, sorry. I really was. It's
just...

1581
01:19:09,640 --> 01:19:16,500
Hang

1582
01:19:16,500 --> 01:19:18,900
on, there was that bit.

1583
01:19:30,300 --> 01:19:31,700
I'm hot and cold.

1584
01:19:32,200 --> 01:19:33,200
Then hot.

1585
01:19:33,700 --> 01:19:34,700
Then really cold.

1586
01:19:34,960 --> 01:19:35,960
And you stink of piss.

1587
01:19:36,660 --> 01:19:38,640
I really didn't think dying would be
like this.

1588
01:19:38,900 --> 01:19:40,540
It's knackering to get wound up about
it.

1589
01:19:41,700 --> 01:19:43,020
Just let it happen, I reckon.

1590
01:19:43,680 --> 01:19:44,680
No.

1591
01:19:45,180 --> 01:19:46,180
Please fight it, Jay.

1592
01:19:47,140 --> 01:19:48,280
There's something I need to say.

1593
01:19:49,800 --> 01:19:50,800
What?

1594
01:19:53,240 --> 01:19:54,240
Sorry.

1595
01:19:54,620 --> 01:19:55,680
Mate. I am.

1596
01:19:56,480 --> 01:19:57,480
I'm sorry.

1597
01:19:58,440 --> 01:20:01,460
Just... Sorry.

1598
01:20:03,530 --> 01:20:04,530
Don't matter.

1599
01:20:07,230 --> 01:20:09,150
There's something I always meant to ask
you guys, too.

1600
01:20:09,730 --> 01:20:10,730
What is it, mate?

1601
01:20:11,990 --> 01:20:13,910
How long after a poo can you have sex?

1602
01:20:15,250 --> 01:20:20,290
Please don't make this my last thought.
I never found out, and... No, I never

1603
01:20:20,290 --> 01:20:21,290
know.

1604
01:20:24,490 --> 01:20:25,970
I can't see very well.

1605
01:20:27,070 --> 01:20:28,410
I think it's just the brightness.

1606
01:20:31,030 --> 01:20:32,030
Close your eyes.

1607
01:20:35,470 --> 01:20:36,650
But you said... I know.

1608
01:20:39,410 --> 01:20:40,410
Here.

1609
01:20:47,330 --> 01:20:48,330
Deal.

1610
01:20:50,150 --> 01:20:51,170
For Ben's.

1611
01:20:52,470 --> 01:20:53,590
For Ben's.

1612
01:21:01,010 --> 01:21:02,010
That's better.

1613
01:21:07,020 --> 01:21:08,020
Sorry, Dad.

1614
01:21:10,760 --> 01:21:11,760
Sorry, Jane.

1615
01:21:15,500 --> 01:21:16,920
It'll be like sleep, won't it, Si?

1616
01:21:17,420 --> 01:21:18,580
I've always liked sleep.

1617
01:21:20,480 --> 01:21:21,620
Yeah, it'll be okay now.

1618
01:21:23,400 --> 01:21:24,400
All right, then.

1619
01:21:26,820 --> 01:21:27,820
Cheers.

1620
01:21:30,680 --> 01:21:31,860
It's just proper travelling.

1621
01:21:41,390 --> 01:21:42,390
Yeah.

1622
01:22:34,760 --> 01:22:35,760
Jesus Christ.

1623
01:22:39,820 --> 01:22:40,820
You hear Mirage?

1624
01:22:41,100 --> 01:22:43,580
I don't know. Would a Mirage call you a
stupid cunt?

1625
01:22:45,620 --> 01:22:48,680
We're saved! We're saved! We're saved!
We're saved!

1626
01:22:50,360 --> 01:22:55,640
Fuck me, you poms love a drama. You've
only been out here two hours.

1627
01:22:58,200 --> 01:22:59,200
Jane!

1628
01:23:01,380 --> 01:23:02,380
Jane!

1629
01:23:02,600 --> 01:23:03,600
Jane!

1630
01:23:04,720 --> 01:23:05,720
God, look at you.

1631
01:23:06,100 --> 01:23:07,100
I love you.

1632
01:23:07,540 --> 01:23:08,540
Will you marry me?

1633
01:23:09,780 --> 01:23:10,860
I'm sorry about the wee fit.

1634
01:23:12,440 --> 01:23:13,440
No, Jay.

1635
01:23:19,980 --> 01:23:21,500
Is your lip all right?

1636
01:23:22,200 --> 01:23:26,720
No. Jay, did you really come all this
way out here just to find me?

1637
01:23:27,000 --> 01:23:28,000
Yeah.

1638
01:23:29,140 --> 01:23:35,230
But... Not because I miss you, but
because... Got an STD.

1639
01:23:35,630 --> 01:23:38,170
And the doctor said I have to tell all
my former lovers, and you're the last.

1640
01:23:38,270 --> 01:23:39,270
Number 6004.

1641
01:23:39,830 --> 01:23:41,530
So, that's that deal we've got.

1642
01:23:42,750 --> 01:23:43,750
6004?

1643
01:23:44,230 --> 01:23:45,710
Don't forget, a lot of them was orgies.

1644
01:23:47,850 --> 01:23:49,210
Everything's been rubbish since you
left.

1645
01:23:49,990 --> 01:23:51,750
I work in a toilet and I live in a tent.

1646
01:23:52,070 --> 01:23:53,070
Oh, come here.

1647
01:23:59,930 --> 01:24:01,750
So, do you want to get back together?

1648
01:24:02,610 --> 01:24:05,410
No. No, that's definitely not happening.
I stay dumped again.

1649
01:24:05,650 --> 01:24:06,549
Come on.

1650
01:24:06,550 --> 01:24:09,850
Let's get you home. Jesus Christ. The
last time I saw something that soppy, I

1651
01:24:09,850 --> 01:24:12,350
was pulling my cock out of it. Now let's
head back to the farm.

1652
01:24:12,570 --> 01:24:15,190
I'm not sure we're in any state to
travel. I think we need serious medical

1653
01:24:15,190 --> 01:24:19,610
attention. What you need is some fucking
aftersun and a beer. Now, take your

1654
01:24:19,610 --> 01:24:22,110
clothes off and get in the ute. Shit.

1655
01:24:22,350 --> 01:24:23,350
Mum was right.

1656
01:24:23,950 --> 01:24:25,610
It's the best thing for the sunstroke.

1657
01:24:26,070 --> 01:24:27,950
You need the heat to leave your body
quickly.

1658
01:24:28,210 --> 01:24:29,210
All right, fine. Of course.

1659
01:24:31,370 --> 01:24:33,250
Plus... Makes you easier to rape.

1660
01:24:35,690 --> 01:24:39,090
We couldn't wait to leave the outback,
although some things would stay with us

1661
01:24:39,090 --> 01:24:41,710
forever. Mainly the sight of Neil's
meaty penis.

1662
01:24:42,790 --> 01:24:46,210
Jane's boss rehydrated us, fixed the
car, and then we headed back to

1663
01:24:46,210 --> 01:24:47,210
Civilization.

1664
01:24:47,510 --> 01:24:49,570
If you can call Uncle Brian's house
civilized.

1665
01:24:50,430 --> 01:24:53,210
And then Neil pissed all over my head,
but I didn't manage to drink any of it,

1666
01:24:53,250 --> 01:24:56,010
and then we gave up, but the stud farm
was tempting people to look for us, and

1667
01:24:56,010 --> 01:24:58,710
we were on the news that they called us
plummy morons, and everyone's flown over

1668
01:24:58,710 --> 01:25:00,910
because they were worried, but
everything's changed, Luce.

1669
01:25:01,280 --> 01:25:04,920
I am so lucky to be alive, and this
world is just the most beautiful thing.

1670
01:25:05,020 --> 01:25:07,340
And you are so great, and I can't wait
to get married.

1671
01:25:07,840 --> 01:25:08,840
I love you, Lucy.

1672
01:25:10,660 --> 01:25:12,020
I've been sleeping with Pete.

1673
01:25:13,580 --> 01:25:17,740
Sorry? Me and your best man, Pete, have
been having sex.

1674
01:25:18,520 --> 01:25:19,520
Good sex.

1675
01:25:20,040 --> 01:25:22,600
Is this role-playing again, like when I
said I'd bummed Will?

1676
01:25:23,870 --> 01:25:27,470
You're such a dopey prick. I still can't
believe you come out and be nutsacked.

1677
01:25:27,630 --> 01:25:30,550
You're nutsacked? I can't believe we're
the same species. I mean, look at him,

1678
01:25:30,570 --> 01:25:33,650
weedy and retarded. He's like one of
them X-Men freaks, Dr.

1679
01:25:34,050 --> 01:25:35,050
Lawnfucker or something.

1680
01:25:35,390 --> 01:25:36,390
Oh, my God.

1681
01:25:36,930 --> 01:25:38,150
Oh, my darling.

1682
01:25:38,710 --> 01:25:40,410
Oh, I've missed you so much.

1683
01:25:40,750 --> 01:25:41,750
I was lost in the desert too.

1684
01:25:42,190 --> 01:25:45,590
Anyway, I don't really want to be
friends, but Pete said it would be

1685
01:25:45,590 --> 01:25:46,590
better if we were.

1686
01:25:47,030 --> 01:25:48,450
Wait a minute, you're breaking up with
me?

1687
01:25:48,830 --> 01:25:52,890
Yes. So, I'm single and now Pete has to
go out with you?

1688
01:25:53,360 --> 01:25:54,360
Yes, Simon.

1689
01:25:54,820 --> 01:25:55,820
Yes!

1690
01:25:57,740 --> 01:25:58,740
Fucking brilliant.

1691
01:25:59,600 --> 01:26:00,600
Oh, hello, Mrs. McKenzie.

1692
01:26:00,820 --> 01:26:01,820
Oh, hello, Simon.

1693
01:26:01,980 --> 01:26:03,440
Your parents asked me to check if you
were okay.

1694
01:26:03,820 --> 01:26:05,900
Me? Fucking brilliant. Absolutely
fucking brilliant.

1695
01:26:06,320 --> 01:26:08,100
Sorry, sir. Sorry. Sorry. I didn't mean
to swear.

1696
01:26:08,620 --> 01:26:09,559
Mr. Gilbert?

1697
01:26:09,560 --> 01:26:10,560
What are you doing here?

1698
01:26:10,720 --> 01:26:11,720
You have no jurisdiction.

1699
01:26:11,980 --> 01:26:14,440
Oh, Phil's just... He's just helping me
out with a couple of things.

1700
01:26:14,920 --> 01:26:15,919
I don't follow.

1701
01:26:15,920 --> 01:26:17,960
Phil? Do I need to spell it out for you,
McKenzie?

1702
01:26:18,660 --> 01:26:22,540
Okay. Well, when a man loves a lady very
much...

1703
01:26:22,880 --> 01:26:26,280
blood rushes to the genital area,
enlarging significantly the penis.

1704
01:26:26,560 --> 01:26:28,440
Or in this case, my penis.

1705
01:26:28,980 --> 01:26:31,400
Well, I mean, we wanted to tell you in
person, and then we just thought you

1706
01:26:31,400 --> 01:26:33,900
getting lost was a perfect excuse to
come and see you. And then we thought,

1707
01:26:33,940 --> 01:26:35,120
oh, let's just make it into a holiday.

1708
01:26:35,540 --> 01:26:36,700
Have you got any recommendations?

1709
01:26:37,320 --> 01:26:38,440
We've booked a barrier reef tool.

1710
01:26:39,080 --> 01:26:41,500
Yes. I'm very much looking forward to
going diving.

1711
01:26:55,850 --> 01:26:59,210
Okay, so here's some bad news. It turns
out we did die in the desert because I

1712
01:26:59,210 --> 01:27:00,450
appear to be in hell.

1713
01:27:01,330 --> 01:27:04,030
Jesus Christ, mate, don't get me wrong.

1714
01:27:04,350 --> 01:27:07,210
I'm glad you stopped fucking me garden,
but what was your thinking going all

1715
01:27:07,210 --> 01:27:08,210
that way for a fat chick?

1716
01:27:09,450 --> 01:27:11,470
What did you just say? About the spunk
hole.

1717
01:27:11,710 --> 01:27:12,710
No, after that.

1718
01:27:12,930 --> 01:27:16,230
Oh, about you chasing the fat chick and
how your lucky fatty boom-boom didn't

1719
01:27:16,230 --> 01:27:19,010
eat you out there in the desert. Them
fat chicks get so fucking hungry.

1720
01:27:19,290 --> 01:27:20,290
Yeah,

1721
01:27:22,430 --> 01:27:23,430
yeah, good.

1722
01:27:23,600 --> 01:27:25,940
I mean, good for trying. Was weak as
fuck, obviously.

1723
01:27:26,140 --> 01:27:27,140
More like a slap.

1724
01:27:27,180 --> 01:27:30,160
You taught him how to punch like a girl,
I presume. Watch it, Brian. At least

1725
01:27:30,160 --> 01:27:33,080
your boy's got some spunk, Terry.
Problem is, it's only round his mouth

1726
01:27:33,080 --> 01:27:35,160
and arsehole. I said watch it. Well,
what?

1727
01:27:35,480 --> 01:27:36,480
You slapped me too.

1728
01:27:37,300 --> 01:27:40,820
Here we go. Get in there. Get in there,
you ugly fuck.

1729
01:27:41,480 --> 01:27:42,880
I'll give it to you when you're happy.

1730
01:27:43,180 --> 01:27:45,100
I'll fucking give it to you again.

1731
01:27:45,400 --> 01:27:46,259
Shall we go?

1732
01:27:46,260 --> 01:27:47,540
It's going to be like my cousin's
wedding.

1733
01:27:47,840 --> 01:27:48,840
Yeah.

1734
01:27:50,920 --> 01:27:53,340
I was thinking about maybe not going
back to England for a bit. Maybe we

1735
01:27:53,340 --> 01:27:55,940
could do some more travelling. Her
Vietnam's nice. Anyone fancy it? No, I

1736
01:27:55,940 --> 01:27:58,460
mean, I've still got some shit to sort
out for the CIA, though. Of course.

1737
01:27:58,700 --> 01:27:59,980
Neil? Yeah, I'd love to go travelling.

1738
01:28:00,180 --> 01:28:02,360
Hey, if we go far enough, we might find
your mum. Well, fuck off.

1739
01:28:02,700 --> 01:28:06,000
Sorry, Neil. Tell you what, my ping-pong
fanny girl's got a mate I could set you

1740
01:28:06,000 --> 01:28:07,000
two up. Nice one.

1741
01:28:07,180 --> 01:28:08,159
Shake on it?

1742
01:28:08,160 --> 01:28:08,858
Cheers, mate.

1743
01:28:08,860 --> 01:28:12,060
He's a ladyboy. Oh, fuck! Too late. You
shook on it now. Bad luck. Thanks.

1744
01:28:12,320 --> 01:28:14,260
No, you've got a fucking man with tits.
Or a girl with a penis.

1745
01:28:14,500 --> 01:28:15,419
Oh, Will, help me out.

1746
01:28:15,420 --> 01:28:16,540
Sorry, Neil. You shook on it.

1747
01:28:16,960 --> 01:28:18,560
I suppose I'd better just stick to the
top half.

1748
01:28:39,870 --> 01:28:45,370
moments but something possible to refuse

1749
01:29:26,920 --> 01:29:28,180
G, baby, G

1750
01:29:59,530 --> 01:30:00,429
Come on.

1751
01:30:00,430 --> 01:30:04,190
Fine. Okay. You know, I guess that's
gonna be a problem.

1752
01:30:06,410 --> 01:30:09,030
Fuck off.

1753
01:30:09,270 --> 01:30:10,890
Fuck off. Fuck off.

1754
01:30:11,330 --> 01:30:12,730
Fuck off. Fuck off. Fuck off. Fuck off.

1755
01:30:13,390 --> 01:30:14,390
Fuck off.

1756
01:30:15,650 --> 01:30:18,430
Fuck off.

1757
01:30:42,220 --> 01:30:43,220
Shut up